A New Song Just Past the Horizon Part IV

And so, Sissy began to talk, haltingly at first but then the words (and tears) began to flow. Out it all came; growing up in a home where sexual abuse by our father was the norm, and with a mom whom (I suspect) felt powerless to deal with it and so she just didn’t. How Sissy felt hopeless and insignificant, and how she tried to just stay invisible. All of it rang so true for me, and I had endured the same, but somehow hearing it from her perspective made it hurt worse. I used to feel terrible that I couldn’t protect her.

When she paused for a moment, Dr. Joyce turned and looked at me. "Were you abused by your father too?" she asked me. I nodded my head yes, but told her I had managed to work through it, and that I was fine. "What kind of therapy did you have?" she asked me. I chose my words carefully; after all, I wasn’t sure what her spiritual beliefs were or whether or not she would take me seriously. The truth was, I hadn’t had any "traditional" therapy. And the other truth was, it wasn’t just my father who had molested me. There were also both grandfathers, a great-grandfather, 3 cousins, and a man who lived in our neighborhood. Yet, here I was, sane and sound and whole. It tends to boggle the mind.

"I haven’t had any traditional therapy," I told her. "I am a woman of strong faith and God has been so merciful to me. He has healed me totally from the effects of the abuse and has allowed me to forgive the people who abused me." She just looked at me in silence, then very softly said, "I’m amazed."

She then walked Sissy through her first marriage, the one where her husband of 12 years just came home one day and told her he didn’t love her anymore. She told Dr. Joyce about the aborted suicide attempt, the hard years that followed, and how she finally found her way out of the darkness into a light place again.

At the end of the hour, Dr. Joyce told Sissy that she suspected that Sissy was an "internal processor," someone who tends to hold things on the inside and not deal with them outright. She nodded toward me; "I think your sister is an external processor, who is more outgoing and tends to deal with things in a more visible and direct way, rather than holding them in." We both nodded in agreement; she was right on. "Your sister has found her path out of the darkness," she told her. "You’ve had a more difficult time finding yours, but we’re going to help you find it."  We both smiled; that was welcome news.

She ended the session by asking Sissy to take an MMPI, which is a well-known personality and diagnostic test; she said it would help her pinpoint things in a quick and concise manner, so Sissy agreed. I waited in the waiting room for her, leafing through one of the beautiful books of impressionistic paintings. About 40 minutes later, Sissy emerged through the door and we started home again.

Later, over chicken wraps at McDonalds, we talked about what had happened. Sissy admitted that it felt so good to be able to talk about the things that she had endured, and she actually felt lighter. I was so happy that someone (besides me) had actually validated her, had actually acknowledged that what had happened to her was wrong, and that she didn’t deserve it. And most importantly, that there was a place of light and happiness that she could get to, if she was willing to do the work. And she was.

We went to her second appointment today; I had come along at the request of Dr. Joyce. The results of Sissy’s testing were spot-on. Internalizer, depressed, passive, conversion of anxiety and stress into physical symptoms such as headaches and fibromyalgia. Dr. Joyce couldn’t have been more correct on her personality traits if she had lived with Sissy for the past 20 years.

She has been assigned to a therapist named Dr. Kim, and will begin meeting with her next week; Sissy told me as we were leaving today, "I can do this next appointment by myself." A big step for her; I am so proud.

Please remember her in your prayers. She is a wonderful and loving person who got lost in the darkness along the way, and hasn’t found her way home yet. But she is on her way; the path lies before her, and she has been handed a small lantern. This is the most hopeful I have seen her in a long time, and I am blessed to be able to witness this transformation.