Who Knows Where the Time Goes**

Back in the 70’s, when I was a fledgling singer at a coffeehouse, there was a Judy Collins song called "Who Knows Where the Time Goes." I was 18 years old then, thought I knew everything,  but actually knew nothing of time. Now I sing that song to Emmi as I rock her gently to sleep, and I truly understand the meaning. Where does it go?

Autumn has arrived; the leaves have turned fiery almost overnight, and I wear a jacket these days when I take Bitsy out before daybreak.  My breath swirls around my head like a cloud; the stars are pinpricks of light in the black sky, and even the birds are silent. Fresh raccoon prints march across the back deck most mornings, and I often wonder what the attraction is there.

Chuck and I start our mornings early, at 3:00 am on workdays, with coffee and devotional.  After scripture reading we pray together, passing the thread of prayer back and forth like two well-choreographed dancers; we have prayed together for so many years that we don’t even have to think about it.  We pray until we feel a release, then we pause for a few minutes to listen for God’s speaking back to us. I cannot imagine starting my day otherwise, and I wouldn’t even want to try; putting on my spiritual armor each day, I know I can face whatever lies ahead, because He goes before me and behind me.

Chuck is out the door by 4:30 each morning, and the rest of the day lies ahead of me.  About 2-3 days a week, I babysit Emmi. Tay did indeed get the job with the Labor Department, so I dress and make the 10 minute drive to their house by 6am; this leaves time for Tay to shower and dress before leaving for work by 6:30 to make the ~40 minute drive.  Summer still works the night shift, and arrives home by 8am. Emmi is usually awake, so the two of them visit and cuddle for a few minutes before it’s off to bed for Summer.

Emmi and I spend the day together; she has begun to crawl, and has a vocabulary of about 10 words. Other words she can’t say yet, but can sign. We practice on those, we read stories, we take stroller rides or sit outside on the patio and listen to the birds. Some days the deer come down from the woods to eat in their backyard and I could literally step outside the back door and touch them. The days go by too fast, and although I am tired by the time Summer gets up and Tay gets home, I know these are precious times.

On Tuesday mornings I attend a Bible study at church, taught by one of the ladies who is a certified instructor. The material is intense, and I have learned so much; sometimes my mind can’t even process it all. She teaches the same class on Fridays, so if I need to keep Emmi on a Tuesday, I just go to the Friday class instead.

I am still teaching the ladies’ class every Sunday morning, and I also teach another ladies’ class on the 2nd and 4th Sunday nights.  I call it "A Woman After God’s Own Heart," and I have thoroughly enjoyed ministering to this different group of women as well. It has stretched me spiritually in ways that I needed.

On days that I don’t have class or don’t keep Emmi, I am free to do whatever I like. Some days I do housework or laundry, some days I work in the yard or run errands.  Other days I just relax and crochet.

Summer has decided that she is called to take care of the stillborn babies at work (it’s technically called a ‘fetal demise’) and she has recruited me to crochet tiny hats and blankies to dress the babies in, for their final minutes with their moms. Afterwards, their moms are allowed to keep the hats and blankies. So I have made dozens of them, in baby pink and blue and yellow and mint green and white. Then, because I didn’t feel emptied out yet, I went back and bought more yarn in brown and deep sky blue and peach and lavender and even camo. I’m more than halfway through with this batch, then I can just replenish them as needed. Summer is so grateful for something soft and special to dress these little ones in, and says she’ll keep me posted when they are running low. It’s something so easy for me to do, but yet I know it will mean a lot to some of the moms.

Incidentally, Summer loves her new job in Labor and Delivery. She has learned so much in the past 6 weeks, and already feels such a calling for what direction she is to go. When she told me recently that she felt she was supposed to take care of the fetal demise cases, my mind instantly went back several years to when she was in college. I had insisted that she live in the dorm, but she was totally miserable there. I did allow her to move back home after the first semester, but I remember telling her "You can’t quit something just because it gets hard." Now I truly think she seeks out the hard things on purpose.  Each time I think I can’t be more proud of her, she proves me wrong once again. Summertime, if you are reading this, please know I can’t even properly put into words how very proud I am of you. Sometimes you just take my breath away.

And so, this is my life: simple, uncomplicated, drama-less. Some would call it boring, but I am never bored. I love my life, and most days I don’t even think about myeloma or chemotherapy or any of the other hundreds of things that used to crowd my mind and occupy my time. Everything that I had to go through to lead me to now, was totally worth it. I am warm and safe and more than content, waiting for winter and totally in love with the Lord Who has brought me here, to this place and this time.  I can hardly wait for what lies ahead.

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pan style=”color: #800080″>My blue-eyed Emmi in her ‘little old man’ flannel PJ’s

 

First time at the park

 

Not happy about being 7 months old!

 

This is what her mom and dad call her "turkey face." She does this anytime they feed her meat, and keeps this pose until they take it back out. But she eats it happily for me. Go figure!

 

Loves bath time!