Lamentations
My spirit is so restless inside me these days; from past experience I know that means that God is doing a work in me. Sometimes it means He is leading me in a different direction; sometimes it means He is merely bringing me to a new level, causing me to come up higher in some area of my life. Sometimes it is all of the above. A restless spirit is not a comfortable spirit. Instead it is a constant churning inside and a strong yearning for something that I cannot put a name to. It is a reaching toward that which is unseen by my human eyes, and visible only to my spirit. Sorry…. my words are so inadequate to explain this.
Sometimes the only way I can express this restlessness is through tears, and so I just stop and allow them to come; there is healing to be found in tears. This morning I was drawn to the book of Lamentations, written most likely by the prophet Jeremiah. He was known as "the weeping prophet," because of his grieving over the destruction of Jerusalem. He wrote through his tears, of his grief and his anguish, but yet he also said, "The Lord is my portion." My portion.
When I was growing up, and one of six children in a crowded and busy household, we had to learn to share in order to survive. Money was tight, sometimes non-existent, and treats were few. Everything we ever got had to be divided six ways, from pizza and candy to school supplies and television time. My mom would be so fair, dividing exactly and doling out a sixth to each of us, without favoritism. I would patiently wait for my portion. It didn’t become mine until it was actually placed into my hands, but then…… Oh my goodness, it was truly mine. It was my portion and I could do with it what I pleased, whether it was to take it outside and enjoy it, or to secret it away for another time to come. Whichever I chose, it was mine. It was my portion, belonging to me, and I hugged that thought to me in the deepest places of my heart. For a little girl who could lay ownership to so very little, that knowledge was a treasure to me.
The Lord is my portion. I hug that thought to me now, in the deepest places of my spirit. Of all the things in this world that I now own and lay claim to, He is the only one that truly matters. He is my portion, rightfully mine. My inheritance.
I remind Him of this when I pray; I bring to His remembrance that I am His bloodline, His offspring. I am not a stranger to him, I am family. I remind Him that the healing that is promised in His Word belongs to me; it is my inheritance. It is my portion. This restlessness I sense in my spirit is a precursor to those things that are to come, and I pray that healing is one of them. I don’t write much here about the physical symptoms that I still deal with daily; just know that I am still believing for total and complete healing. I am restless to be healed, but that is only a crumb of what I am sensing inside.
Reading back over this, I am sorry that my words have not been successful to convey what my heart and my spirit are telling me. Please forgive my inadequacy, and please know that on this cool September morning, there is so much more I long to express; the words just escape me.
However inadequate I may be in my expression, I know this restlessness in my spirit is not a bad thing. I know from past experiences that only good will come from it, if I will only be patient and listen for His voice. If I will only try to fit my feet into the footprints that He has left for me to follow, and keep my eyes not on my circumstances, but on Him. Because He is my portion.
Selah.
oh gina….you have put words (no matter how inadequate you thought they were), to a feeling i’ve had many a time, and never understood!!!!! i can’t tell you what it means to me, to now be able to look at that feeling next time it comes, and KNOW what it means…to be able to actually find comfort in it, because i KNOW. if that makes sense. thank you so much for sharing this!!!
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I’ve felt that same feeling of being inadequate to express that restlessness deep in my spirit. I’ve been feeling the same for some time now, and spent some time this morning praying for direction on how to use that restless nature for something good in our Father’s kingdom. Finding your entry this morning has helped me so much, and thank you for being so in tune with the Spirit’s leading in sharing my friend! *HUG* Denise and I have been watching Joyce Meyer every evening this week, and she preached on this feeling coming from holding back on our Lord’s calling. She touched a nerve for me as well. Two sweet sisters I have in the two of you…. I’ll be praying that you find your healing, both the physical and spiritual ones that are on your heart. Love you…Michael
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Total and complete healing might be there. You are still dealing with that process. Maybe one sickness make us thinking about being healthy more and for getting it back we would try anything we can. So after all it is not bad thing. *smile*
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Hello Gina, I have just come through the roughest 4 months: Congestive Heart Failure, it looked like I was going to die at several points: but NO! Here I am, continuing to live…Hahahaha!! The Psalm I have held on to for 15 yrs, since I was first diagnosed: “Psalm 73:26 My flesh & my heart may fail, BUT God is the STRENGTH of my heart & my Portion forever!” I too can identify with what you say…
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I have been feeling exactly that way for just over a year now, since our trip to the east coast.I can’t help but think that these afflictions we’ve been through, are all in preparation for the enormous task which the Lord would have “His Body,” participate in, very soon. I’m excited – I almost can’t wait – though I know that it will mean ‘Judgement’ for some! Blessing & Hugs – Emmi xxx (Emmirene)
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I am so sorry to hear you are still experiencing pain and illness. Your words always convey such hope and peace, I never even imagined you were anything but healed. I pray your restless spirit finds calm soon, and that your health continues to improve every day. Love you Gina!
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HELLO GINA: It’s me, Emmi. I have been trying to get in touch with you for 2 or 3 days, since I came back to OD. Can’t use my old Emmirene – Chianti Rose, Diary, with all the confusion of going into hospital,forgetting stuff, trying to log on when I came home and NOT having the energy to spend online:I lost my password – after 4 months away. Hope you’re feeling alot better.I know: I just Know! We
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are NOT 100 percent recovered: and I’m not even sure that we’re supposed to be?? (It’s Not by Might, nor by Power, but by My Spirit says the Lord)All I see is that I must take things slowly(for me,)and NOT run ahead of the Lord. I will not heal completely, my heart has gone from mildly damaged valves 15 years ago, to badly damaged heart valves in 2012. Am I fearful? No way! God’s word is settled
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in Heaven – & His word to me means that He still has heaps of work for me. I don’t even worry about death, now. For you and I, that has already passed. It happened in Christ Jesus! We just continue to LIVE…..forever!Whatever state we’re in doesn’t really matter because whatever it is, It’S LIFE!!Don’t know why I’m talking like this, you probably think I’m Nuts, now! 😀 Love you Gina. Emmi xxxx
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My New-ish Diary is ‘granmare’ Please add me to your Bookmarks! Emmirene (Emmi) xxxx
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beatifull!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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