Bacchanal

The shrill sound of my alarm clock woke me as usual, at 3:20 this morning. After all these years I don’t even think twice about it; I just get up. Stumbling my way to the kitchen, I found the coffee pot ready to be turned on, courtesy of my beloved husband. Soon, the rich fragrance of hazelnut coffee filled the air, and he was joining me in our comfy chairs.

We are currently reading from I Samuel, the story of David and Saul that I love so well. Although David did not always make the best of decisions, he was a man after God’s own heart. God honored him for WHO HE WAS, not necessarily for WHAT HE DID. That is a lesson that  has taken me years to learn, but I finally learned it. I too have a heart for God, and although I don’t always say the right thing, or make the right decisions, my intent is to seek after Him with all my might. And I know my Heavenly Father honors that, just as he honored King David.

Chuck and I spent the next several minutes praying aloud, passing the thread of prayer back and forth between us. Many of your names are lifted up before the throne each morning; I am honored to pray for you and will pray for your specific needs if you will make me aware of them. My beloved husband knows many of you by name and prays for you as well, asking for God’s protection and His provision. There is no better way to begin a new day, than by touching the heart of our Father.

After our devotional time, I cooked breakfast for Chuck and packed his lunch for the day. Those are two seemingly menial chores that I have never had the opportunity to do regularly, and I relish being able to do them. We visited together while he got ready for the day, then he was out the door by  5:10; his job is across town, and he has to be at work by 5:30.

After he left, I cleaned the kitchen and fed Maggie.  Then pouring myself another cup of coffee, I came here to visit with my friends. I have missed this part of my life, and am so thankful to be able to return and pick up the threads of our friendship again. Writing here does not come easy yet, to a mind and hands that are used to typing out chemo orders and writing prescriptions. I still catch myself thinking anxiously about returning to work, then the realization hits that I don’t have to return; the relief is indescribable. I wasn’t totally burned out, but I was headed in that direction. It was time.

Summer just texted me and asked me if I could take her to work tonight. She has switched to the night shift, at her request, and loves it. She says it helps her remember why she chose nursing in the first place. She works 7pm until 7am, and says she actually has time to interact with her patients and get to know them; there is no dealing with doctors’ making rounds, endless transporting to different departments and the constant hustle and bustle of the daytime hours. She is an awesome nurse and a strong advocate for the patients entrusted to her. I am most content to leave this calling in her capable hands.

I will take her to work tonight, then pick her back up tomorrow morning. Tomorrow is my last "official" day of employment, and she will go with me to do my final check out. I am not sad to be laying down this 40-year career; I am only excited about what I will be picking up in its place. I do not have a clear direction yet, but only know that I can see the horizon in the distance and the road that curves to meet it. My Father will provide what I have need of along the way.

He has provided me with a beautiful daughter to carry on the legacy, a tender and loving husband who has enabled me to do what I have done these past many years. He has provided me with friends and family members to love me and encourage me. I cannot ask for anything more.

We are one day closer, and I look forward to seeing you there.