In the Deep MidWinter

I never saw it coming. The patrol car, I mean. I never saw it until the blue lights were relecting in my rearview mirror  and he wasn’t going around me. I was so tired; I had worked more than 12 hours that day, and lunch had been a cold chicken wrap eaten at my desk in between patients. I was so close to being home, I could almost SEE my house. But not quite. You see, my vision was impaired by the pulsing blue lights behind me.

I felt tears beginning to sting the back of my eyelids as I searched for some place safe to pull over.  My road is a narrow country road with ditches on either side. In the summer, they are filled with tangled grass and wildflowers but in February they are filled with ice and leftover snow, and they are not a welcoming place to park.

I crept along at a snail’s pace, all the while watching the lights behind me. Finally I was able to pull up into a neighbor’s driveway and I watched as the patrol car skillfully parked behind me, blocking me in.  As he walked up to my car, I could only think how young he was and how old and tired I felt. "Ma’am," he said, "the reason I stopped you is because you were doing 51 in a 35mile zone."  "I’m so sorry," I whispered. Suddenly my voice wasn’t working anymore, and the tears were closer than ever to the surface.

"Can I see your license?" he asked me.  I pointed behind me at the huge red and white canvas bag with UAMS emblazoned across the side. "It’s in the back seat. Is it ok if I get out and get it?"  "Sure," he said. Then glancing down at the driveway, he said, "It’s really muddy right there. Why don’t you just give me your name and your birthdate, and I’ll look it up that way." I gave him the information, then watched as he walked back to his patrol car and got in. Time seemed to drag on and on while I watched him alternately talking into his radio and writing on his clipboard. "Please God, please God, please God……please don’t let me get a ticket, please don’t let me get a ticket…" This mantra played over and over in my head as I waited. All I could think of was this would be a perfect ending to a hard and frustrating day.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, he walked back up to my open window, empty handed. "Mrs S," he told me, "please slow down for me."  "Thank you," I told him, suddenly able to breathe again, "I will."  He got back into his patrol car, put it in reverse and backed up so I could be on my way.  "Thank You God," I prayed out loud. "Thank You for favor."

But even as the prayer of thanksgiving left my lips, He began to speak to my spirit, like the loving Father that He is. He reminded me that I truly was speeding; I was breaking the law and no matter how hard it is to drive 35 mph on a flat, straight, smooth country road, I had to do it. He reminded me of the covenant between us.

My heavenly Father and I have an agreement and a promise, a covenant, built on mutual love. As long as I remain inside the boundaries that He has set for me, He will continue to watch over and protect me and keep me from harm. But when I choose to step outside those boundaries, then He is no longer obligated to protect me; one of the boundaries that He requires is obedience of man-made laws. He requires total obedience, whether I think they are fair or not.  In His unfailing love and boundless mercy, He had given me favor that night, but He was under no obligation to do that.

I haven’t been able to get this scenario out of my mind; I think it is because I truly haven’t grasped it fully or haven’t totally been able to wrap my head around it all. It is a hard lesson to learn, at 58 years old, for someone who has always loved to drive fast.  But I am learning to slow down. The very next day, I pulled out the owner’s manual from my 9 year old car and learned for the first time how  to use the cruise control. I watch for speed limit signs and do not hesitate to obey them. I truly have kept my promise to that young police officer who stopped me on that cold winter night and extended me favor. He has no idea what an impact that action has made on me.

I will not forget that my heavenly Father kept me from harm and protected me from the consequences of my actions, even when He didn’t have to. This night, it was only a speeding ticket; I have no way of knowing what the next time would have been. It doesn’t matter;  I will not test His love for me again. I am happy to remain inside the boundaries and the borders of our covenant, and to know that He will always keep me in His care.

We are one day closer, friends.