Moments

We need to start having more of them. I bought tickets to see Toad the Wet Sprocket in November, at a place we keep trying to get back to, but it hasn’t been the right time or the right band. Now, we aren’t being picky. We just know it’s time for some live music blaring in our ears. To get those chills at the start of the song you’ve been waiting to hear. The first few chords, the smile you can’t hold back, the relief that they really are going to play it. This time it won’t be freezing cold, and I’ll wear shoes that actually fit my big feet.

We started talking about baby names, even though I’m not pregnant yet. Chris is pretty sure we should wait until we "meet" him or her. I think that makes sense, but we should have some ready to go so we aren’t with a nameless baby for too long. It isn’t important to me that we aren’t married. I am not religious. I have seen couples married, couples not married, those who are divorced, and those who should be divorced. Marriage is not the fantasy world it is meant to be. It doesn’t create more love, more stability, more commitment. It gives tax breaks, and benefits that unmarried couples don’t have. That is the only fact.

So we’ll get to it, when he’s ready to ask the question. But pregnancy will soon be "high risk" for me. It will soon be treated as a medical condition. I know Chris will be a great dad. I know in my gut we can do this together, and this is what we both want. That moment that changes your life, your entire existence.

That is what I have been waiting for.

And I can finally say I am ready for it.