As the cloud lifts

..somewhat. My stomach ache comes back if I think about it too much. And I slept like shit on the couch last night with a pounding head. But, I forced myself to go for a run tonight and it felt so effortless. I had so much more energy than I thought I would. I think a lot of it is because I can see my thin body again. I’m down to 152, and even though I’d ultimately like to be 130-135, 145 is my normal weight and I’m close enough to it that I have no doubt I will get there within a few weeks. I’ll be down nearly 10 pounds since he left 3 weeks ago. I’ve been running, eating better, and even though I feel like shit.. running tonight felt damn good. And he is not going to touch it. Not a chance. I can’t even sleep in the same bed as him right now.

So he’ll sleep alone. He can come up with more creative excuses for what he was doing with that slutty home wrecker. Maybe they make a good pair. Maybe I should let him run to her. I still have no answers, he thinks it’s as simple as accepting his apology. I tried to make him understand that breaking someone’s trust doesn’t just get picked up, brushed off, and put back together like that. You can’t just say oops, sorry, can’t control my dick, and expect it all to go back to normal. It can never be like it was. No matter what.

And if he had to stay out of town another week, I wouldn’t be sad. I just wouldn’t care. Sad, but that is the new truth.