Mere Mortal

Hi, my name is Sassy. I am just a mere mortal. No one famous. No one special. Not even a blip on a map. I am just me. That’s it.

Love me or leave me. It makes no difference to me. I’m happy either way.

I’m not looking for the "American Dream" or anything remotely close to that. I just want to live my life, day by day, hour by hour, and survive it. I think that is about all anyone really wants. Do I want more? Sure! Every body wants more. Am I driven to go out and obtain that elusive more? No. I am very much happy with what I do have. 

I was raised in the Church. I was raised to trust in God. I was raised to trust that He would provide for me. I was raised to trust that He would shelter me and hold me close and keep me safe. And I was raised that during my darkest days, He would be there and He would carry me through the storm(s).

And I do trust in Him. Very much so. 

Almost to the point that it baffles people and it angers people. Hubby especially. For example, when he decided to retire from the USAF after 22 years and job offers were not pouring in for him. He was stressing something fierce about it. I wasn’t. Was I worried? Sure. It is human nature. But I also knew that God would provide for us … some how, some way, God was going to take care of us and make sure that we had what we needed. Now we have a house we can call our own, do with what we want (after renting/living in base housing for so many years, it is a wonderful feeling), a house we can raise our daughter in. Hubby has a good job that pays decently. In the almost 8 months he has been employed there, he has already received a 50 cent pay raise. The company has never had a lay off in the 100+ years it has been in business. We live in an area that work will never slack off. Not as long as there are farmers growing our food. So when Hubby was stressing, I was praying and here we are now.

My Mother is bipolar at best. She feels entitled because she had a bad childhood. The glass is never half full for her, it is always completely empty. I’m always having to remind her just how good God has been to her. She lives off a measly $900+ a month social security check. There is never enough money left over at the end of it to finish paying off her bills. She gets $40 a month in food stamps to help with food, which we all know that in today’s economy, it is not enough for 1 week, let alone for a month. Especially when you are a type 2 diabetic and can not live off just Ramen noodles alone. Life is challenging for her at best and all she can do is complain about how bad her situation is. Granted, it isn’t ideal but at the end of the day she has no one to blame but herself. But could she be thankful for what she does have? No. Is she grateful for all that people do for her? No.

My brother transfers $200 a month to her checking account and has her on his cell phone plan. Her Church family (when she does attend Church) is constantly taking up donations for her to "help ends meet". Her oldest sister and husband buy her a few groceries once a month (non-perishable items that food stamps wouldn’t cover anyway) and makes sure that my mother’s dog has plenty of food and treats and vet visits. Her other sister pays her cable bill each month so that she can have internet "to stay connected to me". She is able to visit a local food bank once a week for free food – not that she actually goes. Before we moved to OK, I was constantly buying this or that for her, "loaning" her money. Now I do nothing but listen to her vent. When she gets behind on rent my brother comes to her rescue. In fact, she didn’t have money for the grandkids for Christmas so Brother & I bought the gifts and put her name on it. No big deal. But she had strapped my brother so hard with money that he didn’t have money to buy my daughter a Christmas gift. (Which pissed Hubby & I off royally because A) we could barely afford it but we bought for both of his kids and for his "Thingy’s" daughter’s son B) A $10 gift would have been more than sufficient for The Child. It’s not the amount, it’s the thought C) If we had been given a heads up, we could have bought a gift & put Brother’s name on it so that we didn’t have to deal with "How come Uncle D didn’t send me a gift?" D) He had enough money to spend $200 each on his daughter, his son, his "Thingy" and then buy gifts for "Thingy’s" daughter & baby & live in boyfriend but couldn’t afford a $10 Walmart giftcard for his only niece) My mother has this enormous support system that she isn’t grateful for and it makes me mad!

But like I have told my brother, as long as everyone keeps coming to her rescue and bailing her out and doing for her, she won’t stop. I keep reciting to him "If you give a man a fish, he can eat for the day. If you teach the man how to fish, he can feed himself for life." Why would she give up the gravy train she has going for her? She needs to be forced to do for herself. But she never will be and she never will. 

A church member has offered a rental house to my mother for roughly $200 a month less than what she pays now. Of course she can only complain how it is smaller than where she is (but not by much) or that there isn’t a covered front porch for her rocking chair or the bathroom is too small. Is she getting the cable switched back into her name? Nope. She still expects my Aunt to pay for it. She’s saying that now she’ll have the money to go eat at Ryan’s or Shoney’s again. What? Ugh. I have got to stop writing about her before my blood boils over. Suffice it to say, she could benefit from a huge, huge slice of humble pie.

I originally started this entry for another topic that did not include my Mother LOL so I apologize for getting off track.

As I was trying to say at the beginning of this entry …

I received an email from my dear, sweet Mellie this morning. That woman is the epitome of a Godly Woman. She may not think so as she is struggling during her "storm" but she still inspires me, she still comforts me, she still gives me hope. 

What surprised me about the email was that she took the time to think of me, to know that I would benefit from the email. I should have been the last person on her mind. Yet she thought of me.

She thought of helping me. Not of how I could help her, but how she could help me. 

I’m not used to that. I don’t know how to process that.

People don’t think of me. People don’t think of helping me. They think of how I can help THEM. No one ever calls, texts, Instant Messages, emails to see how I am or if I need anything. When I do hear from people, they need me to do something for them, give them something, help them with a crisis. Which, I admit, I don’t mind. It gives me great pleasure to be there, to know I helped make a difference. I love taking care of people.

I just don’t know how to be taken care of. I’ve never had anyone in my life that WANTED to take care of me.

So when someone lets me know that they were thinking of me, my first reaction is why? I’m no one important. I am just me. Sassy. That’s it. But then I realize how lucky I am. How fortunate I am to have someone think of ME because that is so rare in my life. How grateful I am that God led this special person (People like Mellie, Amber, Kim) into my life for a reason. If that reason is only to remind me that even though I am no one famous, no one special, not even a blip on a map, I AM me …  a mere mortal … who is also a Child of God and that right there is enough for me.

Till next time …