That Child of mine …

I had barely made it out of the bathroom this morning. There she was, waiting on me. I slowly stumbled my way along down the hallway, headed to the kitchen.

"You need to go to the store before payday!" she shouts at me.

"Excuse me?" I say as I stop and stare at her, seeing two of her out of my one open eye.

"Daddy ate all my Chefboyardee’s and I need more my for lunches this week!" She yells, louder than before.

I stand there, swaying, trying to open my second eye and calmly say, "First things first, chill. Second, we have soups you can eat instead. Third, do you see coffee in my hand? No, you don’t. Do you smell it brewing? No, you do not. So why are we having this conversation?" (Why is she even looking for her Chefboyardee’s at 9 O’clock in the morning???)

She quickly interrupts me with, "I don’t want soup. I want Chefboyardee!"

Deep breath in … "Fourth, you only have 4 days of school left. You can suck it up and eat soup. Besides, I’m sure we will have dinner leftovers a couple of times this week so you can take those for lunch." I say as I quickly make a beeline for the coffee pot. Because if I don’t soon get coffee in me, the possibility of bloodshed greatly increases with each passing minute.

"No, because Daddy will just get up in the middle of the night and eat those leftovers like he has for the past two nights and then there won’t be any for me to take to school!" she interrupts with again. 

I quickly scoop the coffee grounds into the basket, plug the machine in, turn the power button on, turn around and face her and again, (the amount of quiet I had going on is staggering) in a calm voice say, "Fifth … Child of Mine … unless you want to be eating plain bread sandwiches for school this week, I suggest you turn around real quick and leave my eye site until I’ve had a chance to drink some coffee. We can have this discussion later on, after I have woken up enough to carry on a conversation with you, without grounding you till the end of your life. Now if you will excuse me, I need to take Cocoa out to potty." 

The hell Child? You dare to accost me as soon as I wake up? And why the hell aren’t you having this conversation with the culprit, your father?

Oh yes, that’s right … you can’t tell him anything. I feel like we need to have an intervention but the only thing that will accomplish is that it will be turned around onto me and it will all somehow be my fault … because I don’t have a job. We’ve been having this argument for 12+ years now. It’s old. So damn old.

I’m tempted to call his VA Doctor but due to HIPPA, I doubt it will do any good. I don’t want them to give me any information, I just want them to be aware of his food addiction and see if they can’t at least give him sleeping pills so he’ll stop waking up in the middle of the night, eating us out of house and home. I’m curious if this is not some form of PTSD? Probably not.

I can’t remember if I mentioned it before and I am too lazy to go back to research it so if I have, I apologize for bringing it up again. Especially to those of you on my FB.

Back in Feb., while clothes shopping for The Child, I came across a shirt I liked. She didn’t. She told me I wasn’t allowed to buy it for her. She told me she would never wear it. 

Challenge accepted kid.

I bought it and it quickly became known as "The Punishment Shirt". Basically, if she screws up, instead of being grounded with no tv or no iPad or whatever, she has to wear the shirt … TO SCHOOL. 

Holy Hell! She begged for me to take the tv away from her for a week instead LOL

So she wore it right after I bought it for getting mouthy with me. She hated it but found a loop hole so it was bearable for her. It was winter so she had to wear a jacket so she wore the jacket all day long and no one at school saw the shirt. Little shit!

But since then, she has honest to God been good. The fear of having to wear that shirt again has kept her in line. Until this past week. And she screwed up. Oh how I do love Motherhood sometimes! When I kindly informed her that she would be wearing the shirt the next day to school, Girlfriend could not beg for another punishment quick enough. She finally accepted defeat … 

 
And the 90 degree plus weather made it near impossible for her to wear a jacket over it. She was not happy. At all. LOL She was so mad that she had Hubby take her to school instead of me and when I picked her up from school, she refused to talk to me. LMAO I finally reminded her that she can’t be mad at me. She was the one who got in trouble when she knew better. She finally got over it though.

I love moments like these! LOL

Now, if I can just survive these next 4 days with no Chefboyardee … 

Think I will go do laundry to make sure the shirt is nice and clean for her. I have a feeling she will be wearing it tomorrow if this morning is any indication … 

Till next time …