Humanity

I’ve never had much faith in humanity. Mainly because humanity has failed me so much in my lifetime. Yes, there are some good and decent people out there. I even happen to have the honor of calling some of them "friend". But the rest? Pffft Take your so called humanity and go else where. Be gone with your bad self.

I have often been accused of being anti-social or unapproachable. I admit it, I am. Very much so. I even have my reasons for being that way. I’ll be the first to tell you that I am the perfect "wall flower"; I prefer solitude; I will NOT make the first move in getting to know people. Why should I? So that I can once again be disappointed? No thank you. Introvert is my middle name.

I will also admit (and have done so numerous times already) that once you have my trust, you have my loyalty 100%. I’ll go to the ends of the Earth for you, for our friendship. You will be honored with knowledge of my screwed up past and why I am the way I am. And you will feel lucky to be one of the few privileged ones to know my back story. But once you break that trust, that’s it. Bye bye.

People, even so called friends have a tendency to take advantage of my trust, my loyalty. Why? I didn’t deserve it. I didn’t ask for it. But that is what happens when you put faith into humanity, already knowing that humanity has failed you time and again, and think to yourself, "This person is going to be different." Ha! Joke’s on me.

A few years ago, after being shattered by a so called friend, I made a vow that when we ever moved again, I would not know the first person I did not have to know. People scoffed at the idea. "Sassy, you are to social to be a loner!" "Sassy, you draw people to you so that could never work." "Oh, you’ll have a ton of friends there just like you do here because that is who you are, that is your nature."

We moved to Oklahoma in January of 2012 and I knew 2 people in person. One I had met years ago here on Open Diary so I felt confident in seeing her in a social setting. The other person was a local photographer/military wife that took our welcome home (when Hubby came back from Korea for good) pictures. The neighbor I shared a wall with tried to do the "small talk" with me but I just wasn’t interested. Not to mention she was strange. But that’s it. I would chat with Angel on FB once we had received our picture disc but I didn’t see her in a social setting anymore after that. Amber and I however, had a weekly, if not more often, thing going lol. I was content with just that small amount of socialization.

Then we move here. To the unknown, to the non-military/non-support from family & friends small town, mid west, USA. It’s been 7 months and 3 days and I have just now accepted a FB friend request from a mom at karate. Might I add that the only reason I did so was because she brought out my Mama Hen and I just had to help. Her Hubby is out of town for who knows how long and she’s not handling the separation too well. Having spent the better part of 20 years in her shoes, except I handled it very well lol, I know where she is coming from and I felt sorry for her situation. I’m leery in getting too close to her. I’ve been doing very well cooped up in my house with no where to go, no one to see. Well, aside from the loneliness of course lol. But I have FB, I have texting and I have phone calls for all of my socializing needs thank you very much.

Being a recluse keeps me separated from humanity and therefore I don’t get hurt as often.

Then there are double standards. It’s okay for me to do this but not you. Excuse me? When it is discovered that a friend has this particular nasty trait, I’m once again finding myself dumb founded. Who are you and how did we ever become friends? I just can’t wrap my head around it. I wish you could explain it in terms that I could understand and be more supportive for you. But right now, in this very moment, I don’t understand and I’m not liking you very much. But I’m not going to run away either. I’m going to try to stick with you and try to understand where you are coming from and try to be the friend that you need right now. In the meantime, could you please enter reality and check yourself at the door?!

I have more to write about but I have errands to run, bills to pay, phone calls to make to verify that I haven’t gone completely off my rocker. Till next time ….