I should clarify …
Ok, first, thank you to the kind soul who nominated me for Reader’s Choice! You made me a very happy Sassy!
I’ve read all the notes on that entry. I appreciate your opinions. I appreciate your debating in a mature fashion. Too many people try to stuff their opinion down other people’s throats and refuse to accept that their opinion is only an opinion and not fact. So thank you to all of you that left a note for being mature adults.
The one common thing I picked up in the notes was that you read the entry, picked out what bothered you, and left notes, forgetting that I had already mentioned your argument …
"People are screaming "Mental Illness!!!" What a convenient excuse. I’m sorry but I get so sick of people using mental illness as a reason to excuse someone’s behavior. In some cases, yes, it is not an excuse, but most of the cases the person had a choice, made the wrong choice and refused to accept responsibility for his or her own actions. "
I agree that in some people, mental illness is a real concern, a real problem. Those are the people who are getting help, on medication to help correct the problem. It is not easy battling a chemical imbalance without the help of medical intervention. I know first hand.
Those of you that don’t know me, let me give you a brief synopsis of me …
– I am an adult survivor of childhood sexual abuse
– I am an adult survivor of childhood physical abuse
– I am an adult survivor of childhood emotional abuse.
– I am currently battling thyroid imbalances, unmedicated.
– I am currently battling female hormonal imbalances, unmedicated.
I grew up with a mother who on a good day was bipolar and on her bad days was a violent, MANIC nutcase. She refused to accept that her step father molested me and would actively look for other people to blame for molesting me, on the days she actually believed I was molested. Even after her step father admitted his guilt in a court of law. Her and her sisters went out of their way to guarantee that their step father did not serve any time for his crime. They went out of their way to keep his job, his friends, his WIFE- their mother, from finding out about his "little indiscretion while under the influence of a 6-pack of beer". (The beer made him do it according to them.)
I’ve got numerous scars on my body compliments of my mother. Of 724 students on graduation day, I was the only one who had a black eye, compliments of my mother. When she was court ordered to take me to a court appointed psychiatrist, she refused to allow the Dr. to prescribe me medication for my depression – medication I clearly needed at the time. I could go on and on listing all of her sins.
My point is this – if anyone has a right to be fucked up, I am one of those people. Society tells me that I have a good reason to have "issues". And if I so choose to, I would be forgiven for my sins because I had a ‘traumatic childhood’.
But guess what …
I CHOOSE TO CONTROL MY CIRCUMSTANCES INSTEAD OF ALLOWING MY CIRCUMSTANCES TO CONTROL ME.
It really is that simple. Maybe I am the exception to the rule, maybe not. I do know that if you want something bad enough, you’ll make it happen. If you can do it unmedicated, even better. If you need the medication to reach the end goal, good for you for attempting to make your life better. If you are relying on the medication to do the job for you, it’ll never happen.
The news is reporting that supposedly the shooter had a personality disorder. According to a "friend" of the mother, the mother was concerned about her son’s supposed mental issues. So if that is the true, actual facts, then hell yes I blame the mother!
If she was worried about her son’s mental status then why in the hell did she have guns in the house? Why did she take him to gun ranges? Why did she not seek help for her son?
Parenting fail 101 at it’s best!
As a parent myself, my number one priority is my child. I am responsible for nurturing her, loving her, providing her with a safe environment, for seeking help for her when she is sick. Not ignoring her or the problem and hoping it works itself out.
So if this mother was so concerned, why didn’t she seek help for her son? Maybe she did and the media is choosing to ignore that?
If this mother was so concerned, why in the hell did she have guns in her house? Why would she allow him to use her "beloved" guns at a gun range? I understand the need for proper gun control, and maybe that is what she was trying to accomplish. But if your child is allergic to strawberries, you sure as hell don’t feed them strawberries! And that is exactly what she did by allowing the guns in her house and allowing her son access to them!! SHE FAILED HER SON AS A MOTHER!!!!
I’ve mentioned that I am a victim of abuse. That does not give me the right to abuse my child. I could beat my child black and blue, the same way I was raised. If I did, society would forgive me because "that is all she knew because of the way she was raised." I could blame my numerous depressions I have suffered in the past, and blame my mother for not allowing me to be medicated as the reason I beat my child. Even though I sought counseling numerous times as an adult.
I call BULLSHIT! I don’t abuse my child. I CHOOSE TO LOVE MY CHILD INSTEAD. My mother is not a valid excuse to beat my child. My past depressions, mental issues, are not valid reasons to excuse my behavior for anything I may have done. And the fact that the media is already throwing it out there that the shooter had a personality disorder is telling us that they have already excused his behavior. Otherwise, why even mention it?
His motive, plain and simple, was because he CHOSE to kill all those innocent children, his mother, the other people. And if he made those choices because of a chemical imbalance, and was not being treated for it, then I also blame his mother, when she clearly knew.
At the end of the day, I choose to be responsible for my own actions, instead of blaming other people, other circumstances. As easy and convenient as it would be to blame anyone else but myself, I choose to not use the escape route society has paved in gold for me. When I am done with this life, and I am standing in front of my maker, I will be doing so with my head held high, proud of MY actions. I will never give anyone the glory to my hard work and effort but me. I earned this life, I chose this struggle and I willbask in my reward when it is all said and done.
And it is okay if you disagree with me.
No disagreement here. I just posted my own ‘tired of excuses’ entry. In today’s society it is to easy to blame others for our actions. I’m also an adult survivor of childhood abuse, sexual, physical and emotional. I am the person I am to day because of it. My mother, my physical and emotional abuser likes to tell people how she raised me right because I turned into a good person. My answer to thathas always been, I am who I am in spite of her not because of her… We all hold in our hands the ability to choose our paths and the ability to stand up and stop making excuses… Thank you for being a stand up person!
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I don’t think you’re the exception to the rule. I had a ****ed up childhood which included molestation and being groomed for sex by my own father. I haven’t used it as an excuse to do horrible things.
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Thanks for being so respectful in your response. I misunderstood you when you said, “In some cases, yes, it is not an excuse.” I thought you were reiterating that it should not be used as an excuse, instead of saying that it isn’t used as an excuse. However, that one disclaimer still isn’t enough for me. You’re still saying that a significant number of people do use mental illness as an excuse, and I think that that problem is exaggerated at best and imaginary at worst, and that by bringing it up at all, you make life harder for people like you and me who have real mental illnesses and do not use them as excuses. We hear this idea of mental illness as an excuse so much that it’s the first thing people think of when you mention mental illness. So when I tell people that I am being treated for depression and anxiety, the first thing they usually tell me is not to use it as an excuse, which shows me that they assume I’m going to, even if they know nothing else about me. This is true both of people who have been diagnosed with a mental illness themselves and those who have not. The prevalence of this “excuse” idea makes people who need treatment reluctant to seek it.
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I’m really sorry for everything you’ve been through, but it sounds like you’re using your past experiences as justification for judging other people with mental illnesses more harshly. Perhaps you would like to think that you are the exception to the rule, because that would make you special. I think that you should be proud of yourself for what you’ve overcome, but I also think that you are therule, not the exception. I’ve met tons of people with depression, anxiety, Asperger’s syndrome, bipolar, BPD, etc. and not a single one of them uses their diagnosis as an excuse for bad behavior (and yet I bet every one of them has been told not to use it as an excuse, as if they otherwise would.) And when the news mentions that the shooter had a personality disorder, I really don’t think that’s supposed to excuse the murders. No one, no one, no one is saying that this is okay, for any reason. Why mention it, then? Because people are asking why, and that’s part of an explanation. There’s a difference between explaining an action and excusing it.
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RYN: Thank you for clarifying your position with this entry. Please correct me if I’m wrong, but what I get from this entry is this: You have suffered many childhood abuses but didnÂ’t kill anyone. You take exceptional care of your children because of your own abusive childhood. You blame the mother of the shooter for the shooterÂ’s actions. The shooterÂ’s mother is dead. Of allthe places to place blame, you place it squarely on the shooterÂ’s mother. Why?
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