Triple S

If I ever had any reservations about this upcoming move, I no longer do. I’m an easy person to get along with. I’m a "go with the flow" kinda girl. I don’t make unusual or unnecessary demands of people. All I ever ask is treat me the same way you want me to treat you. Nothing complicated in that. Oh, and never lie to me. There is no need for lies. I also can learn to hang my hat anywhere. I did not want to go to England when Hubby got orders for 4 years to there. The first year was so difficult. But with tons of determination, I accepted it, I made the most of it, and it turned out to be one of the most memorable times of my life and I was so very sad to leave when it was time to come back to the States.

The first 3 months of England we lived in a house (England’s version of the projects) that was infested with spiders. Give me a rattlesnake over a spider any day! These spiders were huge and even though they were non-poisonous, yeah, they needed to go! They would crawl up out of the bathroom sink drain, or bathtub; crawl across furniture (Hubby would have won a gold medal one night for long jump – he jumped from out of the recliner to the other side of the room in one jump without his feet ever touching the floor the first time!); hide in clothing and shoes; at night you could hear them crawling in the walls. We never walked around the house without a can of hairspray and a lighter in our hands. We would always argue over who was going to kill the bastards: "You kill it!" "No! You kill the damn thing!" "No you kill it! I’m not going near it!" That kind of arguing lol. That was the only time in his life that Hubby did not mind giving up his Man Card and running away, screaming like a girl.

It took a few weeks and numerous hours on the phone trying to find a British version of Terminix but I finally did. We paid a lot of money for this spray guy to come out. When he started spraying, it was chaos in our house! Them damn things were crawling all over the place trying to get away from the spray! But the spray worked and for the first month I spent each morning vacuuming up dead spiders all over the place. After month 2, we never saw another one again in that house. We were finally able to pee in peace without fear of one crawling up out of the sink next to the toilet.

Since then we have had the occasional spider here and there. Since the experience in England, Hubby is faithful about spraying our house, inside and out, to keep all kinds of creepy, crawly critters away. Especially now that we have The Child.

And then we move here. And aside from the occasional tornado scare, all has been well. Then the 100ºF plus weather comes. I have not minded it because it doesn’t have the 90% plus humidity with it. But apparently it brings out the spiders. And when I say spiders, I mean wolf spiders …


Bad boys are not even funny because they are the same color as our carpet. You don’t notice them until they move. If I have to hear The Child scream bloody murder at the top of her lungs one more time … GAH! If I have to hear Hubby yell, "Jesus Christ! Come kill this damn spider!" one more time … GAH! If I have to get up to go into another room and catch one of these scurrying across the floor one more time … GAH! I am so ready for these little suckers to be gone already!!!

Ever heard that saying "Be careful what you wish for"? Yeah, I should not have wished away the spiders …

Because one night last week I get up to head into the kitchen on my way to the laundry room and wouldn’t you know it, there it is. I stop and think to myself, "Them damn spiders!" and I start walking towards it (only because a pair of shoes was near it). And then I stop and think to myself "That damn spider is walking funny." So I step closer to it. And then I stop and think to myself "Holy shit! It’s missing a couple of legs!" And then it dawns on me … it’s not a spider. And then it dawns on me what it really is. And I will admit, because I am Woman enough to do so, I peed a little bit in my panties. I seriously could feel myself peeing my pants and could not stop it to save my life. I’ve often heard that extreme fear can make a person do that but I had never experienced it before. Until that night.

"Well Sassy,what in the world did you see that would make you literally pee your pants?" you ask? Well, Ladies and Gentlemen, this is what I saw …

 
Yes, that is a scorpion. A real life, honest to God, make yourself pee your pants SCORPION!!!!
 

Are you kidding me? A scorpion in my house? Had someone told me that this might be a possibility, I would have never agreed to move here!! I can handle a lot of stuff. I can put up with a lot of crap. I can deal with a mess load of stupid stuff. But I draw the line at scorpions!! No way, no how, uh-uh!!!

So once I got past all the Oh My God!’s running through my head and was finally no longer frozen in place I reached for a shoe, but then stopped, turned around, went and got my phone. Because I just knew that no one would believe me if I didn’t get a picture of it!! So then I took this picture, put my phone down, grabbed the shoe and beat the living hell out of it! By the time I got done with it, there was no way to tell what it had been. I then put the shoe down, bottom side up, went and got a handful of paper towels and my bottle of Clorox spray and cleaned up the mess and the bottom of the shoe. Then as I was walking upstairs, I posted the pic on FB and then took a shower. After my shower and fresh, clean panties, I went outside and chain smoked till I felt calm enough to go back in. I spent the rest of the night in perpetual fear of coming across another one.

Sorry but that is a deal breaker. I have to draw the line at scorpions! Black widows? Eh, my can of raid spider spray takes care of them nicely from a distance. But scorpions? Not no but HELL no! I called housing the next morning and the lady was, "Oh yay." in a sarcastic voice and I was, "Uh no!" I let her know how unhappy I was and that we were fixing to move and I did not want those critters packed up in our stuff to bite me and kill me when I started unpacking our stuff. So Terminix came out and sprayed for them and the damn spiders also. I have only seen the one scorpion and I pray I never see another one ever again! Our Realtor assured us that Kansas does not have scorpions and I pray she is telling the truth. Because if she isn’t, the whole damn world will know about it!

My sister has since dubbed me "Sassy the Scorpion Slayer" lol

So we had our walk through with the moving company yesterday and we were able to get it changed to where they come on the 17th instead of the 14th. Thank goodness for that! It means they will have to send extra people to pack and/our spend more time each day packing but it is doable. So there is that.

Everything is moving right along with the house purchase. We are waiting on the Radon testing, the house inspection and then the termite inspection results to come back and then we can move even further along in the process. All test reports should be in by Tuesday.

Daddy is still holding his own. So far so good.

And I guess I will call this an entry and end it here. Till next time ….