Worst Road Trip Ever

   For New Year’s we had the crazy idea of driving nonstop to New York and be there in time for ‘Jesus’ Dan’s New Year’s Party as a big surprise to everybody. Lori needed to fly to Texas on Tuesday for work. So we would drive to New York, be there for about 24 hours and drive straight back. Dumbest idea ever.

  Things started off well. Lori drove the first few hours. I even called Jay from Nebraska letting him know we were coming. When we got to Nebraska and the wind started to pick up. There was literally 5 feet of snow piled up on either side of the interstate. Around midnight we switched off and I drove. The rest of Nebraska and into Iowa was looking like an automobile graveyard. Every 1,000 feet or so was another abandoned car entrenched in a snow bank, some covered in snow, some looked freshly crashed. The road was clear, but it was black ice. It was close to 10 below (-23c for my Canadian friends). At one point things looked promising when we drove a quarter mile without seeing a car, until we got to 6 cars and a jack knifed Wal-mart truck.

  Now it was about 4:00 or 5:00AM. I was driving slowly but surely keeping my distance from other cars. I was in the right lane driving. Up ahead in the left lane was a car about three car lengths ahead. I maintained that distance just in case. After a little wile an SUV came racing up and passed me on the left. But as he passed me, the car up ahead changed to the right lane to let the SUV pass, but in the SUV driver’s rush he also started to change into the right lane in front of me and suddenly slowed down to avoid hitting the car. I, in turn was forced to slow more abruptly which immediately caused us to fish tail. We went into a fishtail which seemed to go on forever. Lightly stepping on the gas did not help at all. It just prolonged how long we were going. Finally, I let the car go and off into a snow bank we went.

  I quickly got out of the car to survey the situation. Lori immediately got on her cell phone to call for help. I thought if we could just get traction to the back tire we’d get out because we weren’t that deep. In a vain attempt I tried putting a pillow down under the tire. It was all that was readily available and it was freezing. I never felt such cold before. When I got back into the car, Lori was still on the phone.

  She was giving specific information. In Iowa. Eastbound on Interstate 80. Just past exit 182.  The dispatcher responded that she was still having trouble locating us. She asked Lori where she was coming from. Lori told her Colorado.

“Colorado? Is that in Texas?” the dispatcher asked. Lori lost it. Trying to calm her down, I took the phone.

I calmly told her we were on interstate 80 in Iowa.

  “I still can’t locate you. Can you tell me where you were coming from and where you were going?”

  Yeah, we were coming from Colorado and going to New York. Halfway across the country… that’ll help someone who obviously doesn’t know state geography.

  Luckily, a Sherriff’s car pulled up behind us. I just hung up on the 911 dispatcher… useless.   

 The Sherriff, put us in his car and drove us to the nearby 24 hour truck stop. He told us that they weren’t allowing ‘Wreckers’ onto the Interstate until morning and he gave us his card and told us to call the office in the morning to get an update as to when they would be allowed. His name was Officer Duffas and we did get a good laugh at the name.

  “No problem,” I said as I tried to downplay the situation to Lori. “We’ll get some breakfast. Rest for an hour or so and be on our way with plenty of time to spare. The food was so terrible I couldn’t even eat it and I eat anything. Lori spent the whole time pacing around as I tried to sleep in the booth we had. At 8:00 sharp Lori called the Sherriff’s office. No luck, still weren’t letting tow trucks onto the highway. She tried every half hour. What turned into a few hours became six hours. Still no luck.

  We were going stir crazy being holed up at this truck stop. The waitress felt so bad for us that she told us her boyfriend drove a ‘wrecker’ and she’d have him pull our car out first as soon as they were allowed on the highway. How odd… the waitress at the truck stop dating a tow truck driver. Didn’t see that one coming.

  By now it was the afternoon. Lori wasn’t content with waiting. She ended up calling her grandfather who lived in Iowa. She hadn’t seen in over 10 years and he lived a few hours away. He wasn’t happy about it, but he came to get us. Continuing to New York was now off. We were just going to get a hotel room and then in the morning head back to Colorado.

  Around 3:00, Lori’s grandfather showed up. He drove us to our car to get our things and then drove us to a  </

span>Super 8 Motel. He hardly said a word. As soon as we checked in, the waitress from the 24 Hour Truck Stop called and said they were letting tow trucks on the highway. Of course.

 The tow truck driver’s sister picked us up at the hotel. She was very friendly. We told her our story and about the sherriff and she responded. “Oh, Marty Duffas. Everyone knows him.” He apparently ran for some local office seat last year and lost.

  We met the driver in a local parking lot after he had gotten our car. We paid him and went back to our motel room. In the morning we headed back to Colorado.

  Lori drove first. We drove nonstop to the Iowa-Nebraska border. As soon as we got across the border I said “I’m never going back to Iowa ever again”. Right past the border we stopped for gas. I made sure it was the Omaha, Nebraska side. When we got back onto the road the car sputtered out and died.

  There we were on the side of the Interstate highway once again. I got out and had Lori pop the hood. From behind the hood of the car and out of view from Lori I made overly dramatic freak out gestures. I looked at the engine and everything looked fine. It just wouldn’t turn over.  Shortly after we were there a roadside assistance truck pulled up. He was an older gentleman, and a very nice guy. He tried to help as best he could. We tried jumping the car but it didn’t work. In the end he called a tow service to take it to a local shop.

  Because it was a Saturday before New Year’s the shop was closing at 1:00PM and wouldn’t re-open until Tuesday, January 2nd. I was not going to be in Nebraska for New Year’s. No way. No how. We asked the roadside assistance guy to drive us to a car rental place. He had no problem with it, but I did when I found out that the nearest car rental location was at the airport and you need to briefly enter Iowa to get there. Within an hour my vow to never return was foiled! In the end I didn’t care. I was annoyed, tired, and frustrated. This trip was an utter disaster.

  We rented the car and drove home. We spent New Year’s Eve at Eric and Lucinda’s who were happy to have us.

  On Tuesday, Lori flew to Texas for work. I drove the rental car six hours back to Omaha, Nebraska followed by Lori’s dad. I dropped the car off at the rental place after entering Iowa yet again, and Lori’s dad drove me to the car shop.

  It was the battery. Her Saturn had an alarm system that she never really figured out, and if the wrong button is pressed, a kill switch stops the car from running. Unfortunately, we didn’t know that and kept trying to start the car until the battery died.

  From there, I drove her car 6 hours back to Denver. Unfortunately, the fuse for her car radio was blown and the radio didn’t work. Nothing like driving for 6 hours by yourself in complete silence with nothing to look at but corn fields.