Keep Calling Me

Staying home is going well. I’m trying to figure out my groove here and reminding myself that it’s how things are going to be for awhile. I still sometimes feel like I’m waiting for the next step, the next job, the next move. But we’re here for awhile and I’m staying home with my kids and  have the chance to be the kind of mother I want to be.

After the heat subsides that is.

It’s been so hot/humid that I haven’t been sleeping much and have no energy to get much done. But hopefully, now that we have an a/c, I can start getting things going again. I’ve been meal planning, keeping up with diaper and regular laundry and that’s about it so far lol

It’s weird though because the real reason I’m staying home is that I felt strongly called to do so.  I am not terribly religious but I am spriritual and have been opening myself up to hearing what the universe/God/mother earth is telling me. I was so strongly drawn to being home with my kids that we’ve taken a huge leap of faith to do this.

Did I mention we started church? We’re still shopping around but  have gone three times to one church. We’re going to try a different one this weekend. We’ve met some nice people and I’m building a support system of mothers in the area.  Hopefully these friendships can blossom and I’ll have some local girlfriends to whom I  can turn and spend time with when I need to get away. Which is soon–I’m going a little batty.

But I digress.

So we started church to help give us peace of mind with the changes we’re going through. I’m not sure who or what I believe in completely but the ideas behind all of them cannot be argued with–treating others well, loving each other, loving ourselves, giving back to the community, being unconditionally loved by a higher power. How can that be bad–whatever label you put on it?

I’m still being called to something more though. I feel that staying home was just the first step.

I’ve always wanted to be a foster parent and/or adopt a child or children. I’ve never had the time or the space or the stability in my relationship to really be fair.  But things are slowly coming together.

I have an awesome relationship. I simply c ould not ask for a better partner in life. My husband is amazing and takes such good care of all of us. He is a provider at heart and is willing to do WHATEVER it takes so that I can be home with our children, so that I can follow my heart and my dreams. I have a few other callings that I’ve shared with him and he is willing to do what he can to make them happen. I’ll share them another time because I really want to focus on this one.

I have the time now that I am staying home. Adding another person or two would be hectic but amazing. We’ve talked about having another child, and we may, but this feels like what I’m supposed to be working toward.

We  have the space. Kathryn’s room is huge and we could easily and comfortably fit another bed or two in there. Anna doesn’t really even use her room yet so we have that as well.

What IS holding us back is the fact that we don’t have a vehicle to transport anyone else. Our cars cannot fit another person safely, particularly if that person needs a carseat. So there’s that stumblling block. However, we are going to work on that as much as we are able to. If it comes down to it, next year at tax time we can purchase a larger vehicle. That’s less than a year away. It seems far, but in the grand scheme of life, it’s not.

Our life is not perfect and finances are always going to be an issue and I don’t have my master’s degree done yet. But we have a lot of love to give and I feel inspired by several of my friends who aren’t in much different situations than us and are making great changes in the lives of some little people.  I want to be like them when I grow up 🙂

~Tav