October 14, 2013

First Breath of Hope

Hey guys! I hope you missed me. The real me, not the insanely, borderline needs to be committed depressed me.

Something happened yesterday. I was talking to my middle Chris (from the hotel), and we were talking about how my exs always come back and say I love you, despite me not seeing them or speaking to them with any regularity in months before they decide they love me. And he was like, yeah and you think you’re still in love with a guy who you haven’t spoken to in two and a half months.

It’s really true. I love who I thought Chris was, his early relationship personality, that face we put on before we let our walls down. That guy, the one that seemed like my dream coming true, he can’t be real. If that was really who Chris was, he wouldn’t ignore me, he wouldn’t have let me find out about the new girl in such a manner. I don’t know the real Chris, so how can I love him.

We’re starting a biggest loser competition Friday here at work. 10 weeks. I’m going to fight to lose 15 pounds. I need this.

I’m moving to CHICAGO! Moving in with my godmommy. It’s for the best. She’ll give me space, the whole basement, and the love of someone who is almost my mother, who reminds me a lot of her. Maybe I can even be of help to her while she takes care of her elderly parents.

I need to drink more water. I’m actually applying chapstick instead of drinking water when I am thirsty. It’s sad.

What do you guys think of this: I know it’s overdone, but I was thinking of making an Etsy store that sells message boxes/care packages. I was thinking of creating a custom form for who needs the surprise gift, and what they need to hear. Then I’d write them a letter and send them a small handmade gift. Like a framed image with an inspirational message, a small custom candle, with scents to easy depression, or something happy if it’s a celebratory gift. Not to make money per say, but to give back. I think I need to do a little bit to volunteer to make myself feel better.

The care package store is a great idea. Reminds me of the soldiers angels site, where they send you the details of a soldier and his address overseas and you can send them care packages. I loved the whole thing but it ended up costing me too much. I think the postage is free if you live in the states, but not here. Agree on the water. I let it slide too much as well. I’m drinking a 2L jug of water today, it’s a cleanse type thing with lemon juice, 100% cranberry juice (no sugar added) and dandelion root tea. It’s actually quite refreshing and really nice. I so so so so so agree with your comment about Chris. We loved the thought of what we had. A biggest loser competition would be awesome!! There is one that is a couple towns over but it’s too far away for me to participate in. Really glad you are doing this. So glad you have a private space with your aunt. Sounds like the right move for you.

Hi there. Been off of here, but needed to let off a bit of steam. Planning on sticking around now though. Has it all been loading slowly recently, or is it just me? Nice to see that you are making positive changes; it’s what I’m hoping to do. Have you seen much of your vaaaaast country yourself? x