One Brief Shining Star

I was very excited Monday and Tuesday.

For two short days, I felt like I was swimming strong. My therapist and I agreed, I need a purpose, something to focus on. To think about new guys, Chris, jobs as clean blank peices of paper. The imagery was very helpful, and got me thinking of painting, of what I’d love to paint, of what I’d love to do…to Thailand. I’d love to paint in Thailand and see the elephants that paint. That got me thinking of my life goal to help the world. So I started to research the Peace Corps. That has always been a dream of mine, to go volunteer and help people. It said online they were now offering short term trips, three to six months. With Avery being so small, this sounded perfect. No where on the site does it say these trip are only for returning volunteers. I got so excited. I felt like I could survive, like I could do this and handle everything. Until my email to the recruiter was replyed to, and burst my bubble. Every other trip is either 27 months or requires me to pay them a couple thousand dollars to go.

Now I feel hopeless again. Can’t get that fucking stupid boy out of my head. 28 days later and I’m still miserable and heartbroken. I haven’t heard from him. I want him to contact me. I miss him and I still want to date, but I just want to talk to him. Find out how he’s doing, how the wedding he was at was, if he missed me too. I will text him soon…in a week or so if I don’t hear from him.

No luck on applying for new jobs. No one is contacting me back.

Life is just so hopeless.

It’s not hopeless, just feels that way sometimes. The whole Peace Corps thing? That probably didn’t work out for a reason. Probably a very good reason. I almost moved to China when my mom had cancer, and luckily I didn’t, I would have been there during some pivotal moments during her treatment when she needed me. Please don’t feel hopeless, just keep looking. Life doesn’t crash into us, we crash into it. I watched an interesting thing on facebook, about some people trying to start a new trend, where they went and gave good and tshirts to the homeless. You don’t have to move to Thailand to help people in the world. There are people everywhere that need help. Maybe you could do a painting program with local under privileged youth at the YMCA or something? There’s always something out there. And the job thing? The US economy is unfortunately still a big pile of shit. A lot of people are still struggling just to find a job, let alone a new one. You’ll find something, the right job just hasn’t been posted yet. The other thing you could do, do you have any companies in mind? You could always call them and ask to talk to the HR department and ask

if they think they’ll have any opportunities soon. You can ask them about what qualifications they seek and if you don’t have everything they want, if they’d have sort of a junior position that you could work in until you have the experience they’d need. It would show great initiative and it would also show them that you are eager to learn and that you actively want to work there.