Saying Goodbye

This is a really hard week. Kevin is getting married tomorrow, Kristin has moved to Connecticut, I’m sick again, still recovering from Joe, though the terror has stopped, and now I’m realizing I have to say goodbye to Keith. I know, I should be thrilled. But my heart hurts. All this on again off again, he doesn’t know what he wants, I’m flighty and moody and easily pissed off. But I…care about him. At times I’d say I was in love with him. He…said the same. But a two year long distance thing won’t work. We wasted so much of the two years we had on bullshit, and now…it’s too late. I won’t wait for him for two years, he won’t do long distance. It makes me cry, because dispite the fights…he’s someone I really wanted it to work with, someone I was unbelieveably happy to be with, and now I may never see him again. At least most likely not as anything but casual friends. He’s gonna meet someone, he’s going to move on, and I’m gonna…try to just forget about it and not hold on to him. God it makes me cry. My therapist calls him my security blanket, but I think it’s just as much losing the hope of being that happy again.