Massive hugs and support needed.

Joe is gone. Never gonna see him again. We were out, just hanging out with a few of his friends, agreeing this casually seeing eachother was as far as it would get. Until the end of the night. We were bantering, and he started putting a bunch of wrestler holds on my legs, and then my arms. It hurt like hell. Like legit strength from him and burning pain from me. I screamed and slapped him. He…put me in a choke hold and started squeezing. I remember screaming and I don’t know how but I got free, screamed at him, grabbed my shit and ran. Some really sweet girl who was a friend of his drove me home because she didn’t want me walking. God I can’t stop shaking and crying I was so scared. He had to stop by a minute ago to drop off all the stuff I left in his car, and he told me it was my fault, cause I made him bleed and that made him lose him control. Neglecting I was already hurting and scared when I slapped him, it’s all my fault I guess. God I’m so angry and scared and I can’t stop crying. I was finally settling in, learning how to protect myself from this shit and instead he pulls it on me when I’m drunk and relaxed and doesn’t expect me to be terrified of him now.
 

God I want my mom. I want to hide some place he doesn’t know about and never risk seeing him. I can’t stand having my neck touched. I still feel like I can’t breathe.