So, how’s it going?

Well, we still struggle in some ways. For instance, tonight he has just left to go to a bachelor party. He’s hosting the party at a single friend’s house. My husband is a great social guy. He’s got a big circle of friends that go back a long way and he’s always been sort of the organizer. Every bachelor party has basically been organized by him (except his own which turned out to be sort of boring and dull). My husband always gets a keg of beer, has great food (this time I made it — huge subs and lots of veggies, chips, and dip), and the crowing glory of all bachelor parties, a stripper.

Keeping in mind our recent problems, I wanted to make sure he went to the party well-f***ked. This afternoon we took a “power nap,” which included only a small amount sleeping but lots of “power.” Later on when it was time to get up, he was still pretty tired. Consequently, he also got pretty crabby.

“Where’s the poloroid camera?”

“I don’t know. I’m not sure where it was put.”

He looks around a little bit. “Well, I’ll just have to buy a new one then.”

Now, he KNOWS that it really pisses me off when he says that. Everytime he can’t find something and I don’t get up to help him he uses that to vent his frustration. Ever since we’ve been together he knows that particular statement really gets to me, especially when he’s been out of a job. (This isn’t the first time — although I must admit he always finds another one quickly and usually has a much better salary each time. He’s working again now, but it is a temporary job.)

“We can’t afford for you to buy another one.” Which was a really stupid response on my part. I knew better than to rise to the bait, but of course I did.

“Well, if I can’t find it then I’m just going to have to buy another one. You could help me look for it.”

“If I had known you wanted me to find it for your party then I would have looked for in advance.”

“And how long have you known about this party, Eryssa?”

“If you had told me you wanted me to find the camera I would have had it ready for you just like I had the ten pounds of carrots and giant subs all ready for you!!”

Next was disks for the digital camera. “Do you have any blank disks?”

“Yeah, look to the left of the desk all the way down on the bottm shelf.”

“Which ones are blank?”

“I don’t know, put them in the computer and see.”

*Sigh* “I guess I’ll just have to buy some disks too.”

*Sigh* I went over and turned on the computer and got him several disks. “Is there anything else you need?” Icicles dripped from my mouth as I inquired without meeting his eyes.

And so it went… finally, of course, I was crying, frustrated. We faced off and I told him, “Look, I’ve been trying to be a better wife to you. I thought we agreed that you wanted me to be more physically affectionate and I wanted you to be more tender. I kept to my part, I slept with you. But I feel like you haven’t tried to be tender to me.”

“Don’t sleep with me if you don’t want to sleep with me. I thought you enjoyed it too! If you don’t want to sleep with me then don’t put yourself out.”

“I did enjoy it, but it takes a certain effort to put myself into the mood to enjoy it, just like I’m sure it takes you a certain amount of effort to be in the mood to be tender to me. I’m not going to say, ‘if you don’t want to be tender to me, then don’t be,’ because I really want you to.”

And it’s true, I did have an orgasm, and a good one too. He’s very talented in bed. He always has been. When I met my husband I was 27 and he was 18. I know that sounds pretty weird, and I guess in a way we are, but it seems to have worked for us. Although I’m using this diary to vent, I really really believe we have a good marriage. I remember the first time we made love, he was so sensitive and wonderful (and has only gotten better since then). Used to men my age, who would make love rather perfunctorily then kick back and say, “Wasn’t I good?” I was delighted by his sort of wide-eyed innocence about it all and how unsure he felt of his sexual prowess. He wasn’t a virgin, he’d slept with several girls around his age prior to his relationship with me, but he wasn’t all self-confident and sure of himself either. Consequently he tried extra hard to make it nice. I remember he did something that made me moan and gulp for air then he looked at me, concerned, and asked, “Did I hurt you?” I think I may have fallen in love with him at that moment. So sick of arrogant men who expected a f**k after taking you out to dinner, it was a refreshing experience to be with this young man who truly cared how I was feeling in bed.

So, yes, he was right, I did have fun. But the fact is, I had been out at a bachelorette party last night and gotten home at 2am. Then I had to get up to be at work by 7am and I work at Starbucks so it’s pretty tiring, especially on a Saturday. It’s not easy to get in a sensual mood when you’re that exhausted, so I had to really fan the spark, so to speak.

He seemed to understand it when I explained that all, but still sort of acted as if his best defense was a good offense. After a bit, though, he came to me and apologized a somewhat grudgingly. Later on he called me from his cell phone and gave me a profuse apology telling me he had been a “d**k” or an “a**h**le.” He said I could choose either body part I liked. See, when a man uses humor, it can really get around your heart. So here we are again, the relationship continues another day — and continues well. (If this is what you consider well… but seeing all the marriages I’ve seen, I still believe we have the best.)