lipton & ambien

I am sitting here and trying to get off of the computer that I can go to bed, but somehow not wanting to actually get off of the computer and go to bed. Sigh. My issue at the moment is lonliness, even though I am surrounded by 2 kids, 2 dogs, and my husband. I don’t want to be alone, but don’t touch me and don’t talk to me. Scheduled visit with Psychiatrist next Wednesday–he wants me to take Seroquel, but it knocks the crap right out of me–even worse paired with the Ambien (it’s bad enough that I can’t seem to drag myself out of bed until 10:30 or 11:00am, add the Seroquel and I would sleep all day). Given the choice though, I don’t want to be anywhere but in my bed………isolating and withdrawing. I feel quite lazy because I don’t have the motivation to do anything–but to try and be reasonable about it just isn’t in me right now. Bipolar, I know.  I hate it………I hate it. So, I am going to take my iced-tea into the bedroom, take my sleeping meds and then plug my iPod into my ears, and ride the music into my bizarre dreams.