I Must be accountble

It was awful of me to think I could get away from not posting a weigh-in. It would be selfish and wrong of me to only post the good weigh-ins. I know this yet I still am having a hard time putting in writing what my weight is. I know it’s only a number but to me it means failure. If you haven’t already figured it out…I’ve gained..AGAIN! 🙁

Why is that that when I was at this weight the first time I felt fabulous yet now I feel like a fat ass slob?

Stupid mind games. They always get the best of me.

Anyway as I said I have to be accountable and write the good and bad. For me and for those who are struggling to lose weight. I don’t want people to think it’s all good with me because it’s not. I win some I lose some. I know enough from my past experiences to get up, brush off the dirt and get back on the horse. In my other attempts to lose weight I would just fall down and stay down making it all that much harder to get back up later.

See??? I’m stalling. I don’t want to write in numbers my weight. Fuck it…I have to

Last week. I don’t even remember I think it was 137

This week 141. Ya I’m out of the 130’s but not in a good way. I so desperately want to get to my goal. I know I will but for now I’m focusing on losing 10 lbs before Thanksgiving.

I don’t want to keep losing the same damn pounds over and over again. I guess eating an ENTIRE bag of Christies toll house cookies doesn’t help much does it? oh well that was then this is now.

On the upside I ate well today. Went to the gym and burned 500 calories. So here’s to tomorrow. 🙂

Screw the tickers I don’t feel like changing them so they can stay the way they are until I get back down there 🙂

Short term goalUltimate Goal

ButterfliesNRoses

September 5, 2006

I know how you feel. I do weigh WAY more than you but it seems I gain only to lose those same pounds.

Jubi

I know what you mean. It is so much easier to only talk about the losses and success. It sucks to have to report a gain. I know! You know what has to be done to get down to where you want to be. You can do it!! Hang in there. You have come a long way.

It’s ok darlin.I am proud of you for writing even if you didn’t want to.You have been here and there on vacation so you were shoved out of your routine and that is hard.I am confident you will come back and rock the next weigh in.And you will make your Thanksgiving goal. Maybe you needed this wake up call?Whatever it is, you have still done crazy well with your weightloss so give yourself a break.

MoonNStarMammaRazzi

I know what you mean about the mind games…… I got down to where I was going to have a party.. and then sloooowly started going back up. UGH! Well, I won’t be losing weight for awhile now… ::sigh::

buttermoon

I love you.

Oh guess what? I noted bubbly and said she should post some of her work so we could see her writing outside of a diary, and also because I need to see how her incomprehensible writings turn into stories. She always seems to answer my notes (the few hidden evil ones that I leave,lol) with huge returned notes but she hasn’t gotten back to me on that one….hmmmm

ShaunaAunaBauna

Im still VERY impressed by you….YOU ROCK!!!!!!!

RYN: I kind of doubt she will produce anything. I am kind of doubting she would get into a journalism program. I feel like I could if she can….geeze. I promise pictures soon. Not much has changed, just wait until I get a few more things done and then I will post. Promise ok!!?? 🙂

Losing weight is a struggle even for people who have lost so much like you. Good luck this week.

WOW! I just found you on random, and am amazed at your huge loss to date….WELL DONE!!!!!

chubbygirl

I know what you mean too – I seem to lose and gain the same weight over and over. I’m much heavier than you, but I know the feeling. I’m so impressed that you posted it, though. keep it up and the weight will come off. stop by my diary any time

Admitting the gains means your halfway there to losing those unwanted pounds…you’ll do it!

Michiganbaby

September 6, 2006

Admitting is the first step! But I dooo understand, and you know what, I still am inspired by you, and you’re still awesome! Just hang in there. =)

~*Phoenix*~

I am just FLOORED at the ammount of weight you’ve lost. Seriously. You should feel AMAZING! Gawd, I wish I could lose weight like that. Hell. What’s your secret?! *huge hugs* Always,

Dragonfly Goddess

September 7, 2006

I’d love to be 141 again. LOL Congrats on all the progress you’ve made so far. That’s fantastic!!!!

i’m about where you are … there’s SUCH a difference in my body between 137 and 143 or so where I am. Doesn’t seem like much but it’s literally the difference between turning heads and looking dumpy for me. you are inspirational. i have the same goal you do and the way you’ve gone about things is about the same i have.

Haha you are so funny. Doesn’t surprise me where some people’s cheque goes (that sounded so gramatically wrong). I am so random. Some people in real life can’t really keep up with me. I think in my head before I talk and am mid way in thought when I speak. I dunno how to explain it. haha

Think I could slip the patch on Steve and he would gradually stop smoking???

RYN: thanks for noting me back, yer kind of my latest idol 🙂 this is the thing … i think the way to lose weight is to start listening to your body. the downside of listening to your body is that you notice every little thing. my scale broke but i could feel i was gaining weight and I was almost, in a weird way, relieved to find out I had because it validated that what i was feeling and seeing was correct. when you’re oblivious to your body, of course you don’t notice five lbs. but when you’re attuned to it you do. been my exp. anyway. have you ever read “diary of a fat housewife?” she talks about how when she writes she loses weight, when she doesn’t she gains. it was before the internet, but i think it ties into your accountability theme. accountable to yourself first and foremost. here’s to ten lbs before xgiving! i admire your realistic goal setting more than anything, it really is all that works.