Judge me as I judge you

I’m overly judgmental, I accept this. In fact, I embrace my judgmental nature. It often prevents me from wasting my time with people I rather not have in my life. It also provides a great source of entertainment.

See…when I meet people, I look for red flags. I am great at finding them. Sometimes I ignore them, sometimes I spot them and back away slowly, sometimes I run away as quickly as possible. I will confront the red flag holder when I feel it may be helpful to them or to myself.

Mike has become a minefield of red flags. I have ignored some, confronted him on others, and now I am ready to run. Mike’s red flags:
…ex says she is pregnant
…ex is a liar/insane
…is sharing custody of her kid that is 100% not his
…gets traffic tickets at least weekly
…does not paid above mentioned tickets on time
…drives with a suspended license instead of waiting on a line to pay the tickets
…drinks daily, more than 3 beers a night
…drives after he drinks, even if it is 5-6 beers (he weighs maybe 140lbs and his about 5’7)
…sleeps till 9am or later when I am typically only free till 11:30am
…never has money because he spends it all on late fees/tickets and beer.
…does not text or call consistently, some days it is every hour, sometimes it is every 3 days.

I know Mike’s ex is lying about the pregnancy because she went to my gynecologist. I am very close with a nurse in the office and had them check her file. She had no pregnancy test done and no IUD removed. She discussed vaginal dryness according to her records. Now, I am not going to tell Mike because it is illegal that I even know. I just needed to know before walking away. This means if she does end up pregnant, he slept with her after the fact or the baby isn’t his because it is after they broke up that she conceived. As for sharing custody of her son; I am not happy at all. This is not his child, he has a father in another state who does not see him for whatever reason. This should not become Mike’s responsibility. Especially since I cannot be around the child because the ex would flip out. She is not having Mike baby-sit when she is at work, he has the little guy when she is going out to bars to sing karaoke or going to dinner and such with friends.

Moving on from Mike, James is back.

I know…what am I thinking?! I am thinking he makes me happy and I shouldn’t walk away from happiness. He also hurts me easier than any other but he knows me better than any other. I was going to write a list of positives for Mike, I don’t have a list…he is friendly. That’s it. James will get red flags listed…
…was a drug addict that relapsed recently
…called me terrible names on two separate occasions in the past 2.5yrs.
…have dated and broken up before
…is not working
…is not good at calling or texting daily

However, James has a list of positives unlike Mike.
…answers the phone 90% of the time I call and actually holds a conversation.
…apologized for his actions (name calling and being mean)
…admitted her had a drug problem, apologized but realized I would not forgive right away.
…has been clean again since mid-July.
…knows me better than anyone else including my family
…spends time with me regardless of the time of day I am free.
…gives me the “little” things that I enjoy (cuddling, apple juice in the morning, buys my favorite shampoo for me to use in his shower, asks about my family and friends, shares dessert with me, goes for long walks with me, asks about my day etc).
…makes me laugh and smile
…makes me feel strong and useful in life
…tells me I am intelligent and able whenever I doubt myself but also just randomly.

I know James is not the person I need to be with right now but I am happy giving him my time right now.

I am working, going to classes, observing in a school, and figuring out if I am going to move to NYC fulltime in January. I have a ton going on and cannot date anyone seriously but enjoy my time with James.

My indulgence is massages twice a month. I need that hour to relax and calm down from my stressful days. So far, it is working and I am getting through this semester with relative ease.