Hey jealousy…

I am such a jealous bitch right now. I know I need to just get over it, but it really hurts. I’m 31 years old, and I still let my parents make me feel like shit.

My parents’ neighbor’s daughter is having a baby. She’s 23 and lived next door when we moved into the house in 1998. So she was 8 or 9 then. She’s never been a really bad girl, or a really good girl. High school drop out, got mixed up with the wrong people as a teenager, my parents have tried to help her get herself straight. Whatever, right?

I chose to move 600 miles away to start my life, to build my own family. That in itself was a huge fight among us last fall. But this girl is, amazingly, the daughter they never had. I was they daughter they had, but never wanted. That fact was made apparent to me my whole life. I was born to teenage parents, and was always an inconvenience. I was the reason they lost their childhood. I was the reason they almost divorced several times. (Yes, I was actually told that.) I was never good enough, and I’m still not.

My mom is taking this girl to the hospital right now because her water broke. My dad is even going. I basically had to beg him to come to the hospital when my daughter was born. Their own flesh and blood grandchild.

My mom comes up twice a year to visit. My daughter can’t stay with her if I work because my mom "can’t change a shitty diaper". My dad hasn’t been up in over a year. We went to see them the week after Christmas. A 10 hour trip. They were upset that we were staying with a friend of mine instead of them. They spent little time with us when we were there. We went to their house almost every night. My mom would stay on her computer, my dad on his or in bed. Like we were a fucking bother. But this girl comes in and they wait on her hand and fucking foot. 

It was that way when we visited when I was pregnant too. My mom had a "shower" for me. Basically, her little neighborhood friends came over, they all got drunk, and hug out outside smoking. I was basically ignored the whole time we were there. I left in tears, it was also my birthday. But she had a whole shindig baby shower for this girl.

My dad has told me that after we get married they’ll keep our daughter for us to go on a honeymoon. But only if she’s potty trained. Fuck that, you either love my daughter in a diaper or you don’t. She’s only 2!

Ugh, I know I just need to grow up,and get over it. But it fucking hurts! I am the daughter they raised, but not the one they want.