Feeling Somewhat Better *E

I didn’t realize how miserable my job was until I stopped doing it. Last Monday I went into work for a whopping 40 minutes. It was too much. I couldn’t handle the stress anymore. Let me explain:

I was a pharmacy technician. This job has got to be one of the most stressful jobs around. You are surrounded by so much negativity. People are sick, they don’t want to wait, they take it out on you. Oh My God do they take it out on you. I never really realized how obnoxious and hateful people in this world could be until I started this job.

It didn’t help either that the little clique of girls (in the pharmacy I worked at) decided that they didn’t really want me around. And the pharmacy manager catered to them. She allowed it all to happen. One of the pharmacists told me "these girls have done this before, now they’ve done it to you, and they’ll just do it to someone else next". This was a job I so wanted to excel at. I was eager to learn in the beginning. I wanted to know how to do everything there was to do. But these girls decided that all I could be was a cashier. Because you know, if I learned the other things their jobs might be threatened. Whatthefuckever. I just wanted to do well.

But with all the negativity at work and the crap I’ve been dealing with in my personal life, it just became too much for me to handle. I was becoming a very hateful person. I was very unhappy and I was taking it out on my family, and myself. I was a miserable person and misery loves company!

But I’ve gotten away from the pharmacy, and am doing other things in the store. I have been so relaxed, just working, actually seeing things I’ve accomplished, not being surrounded by negativity every minute of an 8 hour shift. It’s been amazing this last week and a half.

And the boyfriend situation: what boyfriend? I haven’t talked to him in over 3 weeks now. It sucks. This is definitely the most painful break-up I’ve ever gone through. I really, truly believed with my whole heart that this was the man I was supposed to be with. I couldn’t picture my life without him, ever. But to break up with me by just stopping talking to me, that has got to be the lowest thing a "boyfriend" can do. It’s just inhumane.

I’ve been telling myself, over and over, that I didn’t deserve this. I stood by him, 100%, for too long. I gave up my career to work things out with him, and he can’t change his daily routine for me? God, he was so good to me in the beginning. He drove to Alabama 3 times to see me while I was working there. He flew to NY to spend a weekend with me. He’s just not that person anymore.

But I’m getting a little better everyday. It gets a little easier everyday. I just have one more hurdle to clear with him: I need my things from his house. Granted, it’s not much. Mainly I want the sewing machine I bought last year & still haven’t gotten to use. I want the other stuff too, but primarily because I don’t want him keeping my things around for some other girl to use in the future. Shampoo and soap and stuff like that. Not much, I know, but it’s the principle of the thing.

I want to move on with my life. He cost me my best friend, and a world of emotional hurt. But that’s all in the past now.

I still have a life to live! And live it I will!

*E- I just realized, I have no clue what time I have to be at work tomorrow.    I knew my assignment for yesterday & today, but I have no clue what I’m doing tomorrow. One of my managers is on vacation this week and the other was off today. Oh well, I guess I’ll show up when I show up! LoFL