Explaining… myself

I haven’t heard from Philip in 2 weeks now. He hasn’t responded to my phone calls. I guess it’s safe to say I’m single again? Why do men have to be such cowards and break up with you by stopping talking to you? It’s so stupid, and extremely immature. Ugh, all I want to do now is get my stuff from his house and get on with my life. But, hmmm, it’s hard to find out when I can get my stuff because, duh! He won’t answer or return my phone calls! Blech.

So yeah, I’ve been doing so much thinking, especially this past week. I gave up so much to work things out with him, and he hasn’t given me a thought, much less a chance. So, to hell with him! I don’t need his drama in my life.

I need to try to get my job back. I’m trying to find out when I can sign up for it again. I was told they’d take me back if things didn’t work out here and I wanted to come back. And I do. I miss traveling. I’ve become a fucking hermit since I’ve been home. I work and come home and it’s boring and I spend too much time on the onternet and it sucks! LoL

Not to mention my current job sucks out loud! Working in a pharmacy is absolute torture! I think it would be better if I was allowed the opportunity to learn more and do more. But I’m the new girl, so I get stuck at the register, all day, every day.  It’s miserable. The little computer I have to work with only tells me what’s being worked on and what’s ready to be picked up. When people have questions about insurance, or pricing, or Dr’s call ins, or basically anything I either have to run to the other side of the pharmacy or send them to the window at the other end which pisses them off. If I end up running, my line backs up, people get mad, and do you think I get any help clearing it? Nope, sure don’t! And if I have a question about something or can’t figure something out on my own I pretty much get ignored. People get mad at me & I get super frustrated. I just can’t stand it anymore! Grrr…

I hate how negative I’ve become. I hate hating my job and the people I work with. I hate hating myself because someone doesn’t love me anymore. I used to have fun and have a positive attitude. But I guess since a large part of my time (my time at work) is being surrounded by negative people, it’s easy to fall into that frame of mind.

And I wish I had more self-confidence so I would go out and do things and meet new people, maybe even make new friends. I just don’t know where to start. It may sound stupid, but I don’t know what my interests are. It’s pathetic, I know, but I just don’t know what I like! I attribute it to growing up poor and with very few friends, I never really got the opportunity to do very much when I was growing up. I got used to spending time alone, reading or watching TV or just vegetating.  I just don’t know what to do with myself! And it’s frustrating, and it depresses me.

This really is not meant to be a whiney entry. This is just me writing out what I am feeling, who I think I am. I’m hoping this will help me to move forward, and out of my gloom. I know it something only I can do for myself, I just need a little motivation sometimes.