The End of the Innocence

It’s official: Peggy is t-totally pissed off at me. "I don’t want you in my life" pissed off. "Eat shit & die" pissed off.

I was talking with Philip last night about her. About how it seems like she’s sneaking around and being very secretive. About how we were supposed to move in together this spring, but now I feel like I don’t know her anymore. About the comment she made Sunday afternoon. And of course Philip called Pat, Pat called Peggy, things got blown out of proportion, and now I’m a piece of shit! I really wanted to talk directly to her about what’s been going on, but she wouldn’t pay any attention to me the last few weeks. Since I couldn’t talk to her, and I needed to talk to somebody, I talked to my boyfriend. I knew in the back of my mind that it would get back to her, but I never expected it to be blown out of proportion like it was. I thought she would call me out on it and we would have a discussion. I didn’t expect her to throw away our friendship.

She thinks that I said that she was "sneaking around, lying about everything, getting her fancy tickled somewhere else". All I said to Philip was that she was being secretive and that I was concerned and wanted to talk to her, but she was pushing me away. She said that "she doesn’t need someone around correcting everything she says, keeping tabs on her every move, she’s grown and doesn’t need another mother". She also said that "her brother-in-law is family, and as long as she was paying rent she would have anyone she pleased in her apartment ". You know, to hell with the art of the rent I’d be paying, my opinion doesn’t matter. It’s all about Peggy.

I’ve tried to be supportive of her, with her "wanting" to lose weight, with her "wanting" to quit smoking. Anytime I tried to encourage her to change these things I was told to shut up. And here lately I’ve been genuinely concerned about her. All I tried to do was be a caring friend, and I wanted to talk to her. But I was not given the time of day. It’s all about Peggy, what Peggy wants Peggy gets, to hell with anyone else. She’s ruining her boyfriend’s life, she’s putting herself in so much physical danger, but it does not matter to her.

Maybe it’ll blow over, maybe it won’t. Right now, I really don’t care. Yeah, I’m a little hurt. But I’m mostly pissed off. If she wants to be this childish and throw our friendship away over something this stupid, then I guess I really don’t need her. She’s been a good friend, for the most part. She was really supportive of me with the whole Philip issue. I love her like a sister. But my sister doesn’t treat me like shit, and my friends won’t either.

Why are good friends so hard to find?