I’m here

I can’t blog on myspace anymore. So I’ll probably be writing more over here now. I was blogging over there for a few months about some personal things.

Mainly my relationship with Philip. I know he checks & reads my myspace regularly, to check up on me. I always left my blogs public. I thought if I had made them private it would look like I had something to hide. And I have nothing to hide, my life is an open book.

Well, we’ve been having major problems recently. One of his biggest issues is my blogging about him I guess. We haven’t been speaking regularly for about 2 months now. It’s been very painful for me. Someone I was so in love with just a few short months ago no longer loves me the same way. So I blogged about it. I fellt I couldn’t talk to him about it all, but I had to get it out somewhere. A friend of ours (his best friend, one of my close friends) told him the other nite to just get over himself and call me. That’s when the whole blog issue came to light. His best friend is my best friend’s boyfriend. So, it got back to me. And I reallly want to work things out with him.

So I deleted all of my old blogs over there. It was painful to lose all my writings, I didn’t back anything up. But I want to be respectful to him and if that will help to open up the doors of communication again, then it had to be done.

I absolutely love him, and want him in my life. It may seem like a drastic thing to do right now. But I remember how happy we were once, and I sooooooo want that back.

I went to Beerfest at Citywalk with some friends today. We were in line & I was thinking about him so I sent him a text message. I thought he was in GA hunting this weekend. All I said was "I was just thinking about you, hope you are having a good time!". I’m trying to be pleasant & llet him know I still want to communicate with him.

He called me this evening! It sent my heart into flutters! I was shaking so bad, I was nervous. The last few conversations we’ve had have ended up with me in tears and questioning him about eveything that went wrong, what was going to happen, bllah blah blah. Tonite I was pleasant. Asked him how the familly was doing, how work was, he asked me about my surgery. No tears. I did very good, I was proud of myself.

I think If I slow myself down & be respectful this thing may work out after all! It would be so awesome!

*crosses fingers*