I hate the way I feel

I hate the way I’ve been feeling as of lately. I feel so alone and depressed. Pete really fucked my mind over. Ever since he did that to me, I haven’t been the same. Every day it feels like it’s happening all over again. Every morning I wake up I’m reminded of how shitty my life is. I’m 22 years old and I wake up in my parents’ house. I go to work at Wal-Mart. And I come home, eat dinner, then go to bed. Two months ago I had my own life. Well, not my own. But it was “our” life. Or so I thought. I wanted to be with him forever. Share my life with him. I was happy two months ago. I was whole. Now I’m all empty inside. I wonder what I did to deserve what I got. I really don’t know. He says it’s because I have no ambition in life. I was happy then! I didn’t think I needed anything else. I think he’s the one who had no ambition. And he had to take it out on me to make himself feel better. I was working weekends before I left. I wonder how long he had been fucking her before he told me he wanted me to leave. Damnit! I will never be able to trust another man again! I wish I could call her. I wish she would listen to me if I did. I wish he would grow up. He’s probably turned everyone aginst me. I haven’t turned anyone against him. My parents never liked him to begin with. All this shit just proved their suspicions. But I really liked his parents. His dad especially. He’s a really nice man. I was worried for them when he lost his job. And I hope things turn out alright for them. Goddess knows they couldn’t count on their sons to help them. I wish I could go back to two months ago and try to make everything better. But he had probably been fucking her long before that, so two months wouldn’t have made a difference. I was actually happy there. I didn’t want to leave. I didn’t want to run home to mommy & daddy. I wanted to live my own life, and I still want to. Financially I can’t though. I feel like a failure. I hate that he made me feel this way about myself. I wish I could make myself feel better. But it just isn’t happening right now.