Day Eight; Acupuncture and Cupping
0
0
1
599
3419
Isha Fortin Make-Up Artist
28
8
4010
14.0
Normal
0
false
false
false
EN-US
JA
X-NONE
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1″/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden=”false”
UnhideWhenUsed=”false” Name=”Colorful Shading Accent 5″/>
Mood:
Music: Housewife – Dr. Dre ft. Hittman & Kurupt
Acupuncture was today. I was nervous, but it was more than fine.
I’m mot sure what I’m seeing. Is the itching less because of the acupuncture and cupping? Or is it because my skin is slowly healing, and my insides are coming back to life?
I did enjoy the Acupuncture. It was very relaxing. At first I was worried I might fall asleep and drive one of the needles to far in, but I managed to chill and enjoy it.
I love having a Naturopath, I’m thinking of asking her to be our family doctor. The difference being that we would have to pay out of pocket for all of our Medical Expenses, but that’s fine with me.
It’s already day 8. Feels like yesterday it was day 5 and I was bawling on the couch. I’ve adjusted to the new diet very well, and I’m not missing any of the junk of my previous eating habits.
It may be seeing my skin aflame gives me a visual of what bad foods do to my insides, and has made them unappealing.
I’m still smoking weed, but very little, almost nothing, but not quite nothing. Weed seems to chill the itching, and helps me relax when the flares come in, but today less flares, so less weed. Actually, today I haven’t had ‘full flares’ as in the whole patch didn’t freak out on me, just a part of it.
There is a new patch on my face, next to my nose. It’s not itchy it’s just… there. I hate it. I can’t wear make up so I can’t cover it either, but it’s part of the process.
My Doctor told me that this is going to be the worst week, so I’ll brace myself for that. I hope this is the “big purge” if you will. I can handle it, I’m already done the first day of this week, and I’ll have another acupuncture/cupping session before this week is out, or on the last day… I’ll book it tomorrow.
I’ve been down the past couple of days. The subject shocked even me.
Lately I’ve been more inclined to have kids. I know in years past I was never convinced. The world wasn’t ready, and hell neither was I. I don’t know what changed, but all of a sudden… I want kids. I’m worried I left it too long. I’ll be 30 in 6 months, and I’m afraid to admit that I really want to have a family.
I mean, I can’t seem to accept that it’s what I really want. I still try to tell myself that I can’t believe I’m this old, in this position, and now I’m scared I won’t be able to. Maybe that’s why I never gave in to begin with… I didn’t want to have to face the disappointment and heartbreak of that.
I’m afraid to write it here, and look back one day and have to come clean to myself that I wanted the kids I couldn’t have.
I know I have to wait until the withdrawal is over, and that timeline is uncertain. I have no idea when that will be. I have no idea if it will help, and I have no idea if I’ll actually be healthy, and in good shape to have a baby.
I keep thinking, why didn’t I d
o this when I was 26, when I was young, and I had no eczema, and my allergies weren’t so bad yet, or even earlier.
I know the answers, and they are the right answers. We made the right choice to wait, and I can’t go back in time and convince a younger Isha that things will work out, because I don’t know that they would have. Things worked out because it was the two of us, and we made it work, it wouldn’t have been fair to ask a child to endure the struggle we did.
I think the withdrawal is growing me up. Spoiled Princess is finally becoming an Adult. That’s probably why I’m feeling ready for this big change. I’ve been afraid of how the responsibility of another people will change me, and I’m not sure I can see what type of person I’ll become. But, I’m not supposed to, I’m not even supposed to know who the person that will come out of this detox will be, because it’s the journey that will make her.
Sam and I decided we would not try to not try. We would let it happen on its own, and if it doesn’t, we’ll be ok just the two of us. We decided if it’s just us we will travel and enjoy all of the adult things we enjoy.
But I’m not sure when what I wanted changed. I want a house, and a yard, a couple of babies, and a University degree… and I want to share all of that with Sam. I thought I wanted a sexy body, designer things, to travel the world, and lay on white sand beaches and sip margaritas.
But now, I kind of want to bake cookies with my kids. i want to watch them run around the yard with CoCo, while I sip Margarita’s on my deck. Maybe not Margarita’s maybe a nice tea? Or even a latte if I’m allowed to drink coffee again one day.
I’m afraid to want it too much, its too uncertain.
So one thing at a time. First on the agenda is my health, so we’ll see what happens when I’m back to normal… If I ever make it there.