Day Six

Mood; Hopeful
Music; Crash Into Me – Dave Matthews Band 

I ate today. I ate an actual meal. I haven’t been feeling like eating the past few days. But between green juice, and protein shakes I felt as though I should attempt to eat something. Voila! Success.

My mom called me  yesterday. I have been not calling home because I’m not feeling great, and she said she sensed that I was feeling down, and not feeling great so she called me. Very sweet of her. She’s coming around on this Natural treatment, so hopefully by the time I visit she’ll be more on board.

Today was not as bad as yesterday. Yesterday I wrote in the morning, and there was much more waiting for me throughout the day. 

Sam was on days, so I lazed in bed all day. Netflix, did some personal writing and did some reading. But the exciting thing is, I left my apartment. I’ve been only leaving my place to take the dog out during the day, and hiding in here the rest of the time.

We went to grab groceries, and I wish I could say it made me feel better, but my hoodie was scratching my eczema patches and it was rather uncomfortable.

I won’t lie, I’m not feeling ‘inspired’ to write, but I think that writing anything will help my process. 

Last night I was up until 2am, just itchy and not having luck sleeping. My left eye had other plans. It started feeling itchy, and it swelled up like I was having an allergic reaction. I tried icing it for the swelling and that didn’t help. So I caved and took two Benedryl. Within minutes I could feel the swelling dissipating, and I fell asleep fast, and didn’t wake up until after noon. Maybe all that rest is what made today less flare-up-y than yesterday.

My Naturopath emailed me back, and told me that if the itching was really unbearable and began interfering with sleep, that it was more than ok to take a couple Benedryl.  She said she doesn’t want me to be too stressed during this process. 

Sam was nights tonight, so he made us a lovely lunch. Baked Tilapia, with steamed broccoli, carrots and beets, and quinoa. That’s my life now. Thats how I eat now. I’m still not feeling like eating large amounts so I put aside half of mine for tomorrow. 

After Sam left for work, I lazed on my couch and watched 2 seasons of Breaking Bad. What a great show to zone out on, when you need to take your mind away from something. But, my neck was still pretty brutal. 

My eczema patches are more Tight, dry and rough, compared to the hive-like texture of the past five days. I guess I’m entering a new phase of this detox.  

Thats ok. I made it through today, now I just have to do the same for every day after. One day at a time, its just the uncertainty of whats waiting for me tomorrow that scares me.

I got a quick call in with Manda today while Dave was giving the baby a bath. Just enough time for her to tell me baby Jules’s Birth Story if you will. This whole ‘having children’ thing is starting to feel more normal to me these days. It’s not such a foreign concept to me anymore.

Maybe detox is helping me grow.

So I’m going to list my affirmations for today…

1. Although I don’t feel strong today, I am stronger than I was yesterday. 
2. This is just another challenge that I will  
3. I know now that I deserve love, and I am lucky to have found it.
4. I am grateful for the love and concern of good friends and family. 
5. I am grateful for the companionship of my little bear, who makes me feel less alone during this hard time.

Some pics of bear and me, when she was just a baby.

      

 
 
‘Sweet you rock, and sweet you roll’ – Dave Matthews.