Nothing really to see here,

i don’t know when I made the decision that I can’t have kids unless I cleaned up society. My last entry was pretty dismal.

I think it’s Fort Mac. I’m not the Queen of positivity, that much I know, but I feel more negative here… I feel like I’m scouring for the lurking evil because I’m not super happy.

That will change, I know it will. Like I’ve said many a time before. Things like Mexico, Miami, new Car wouldn’t have been possible living in Ottawa. Even with the higher rent here, we’re able to advance in life.

I still love Ottawa… and maybe one day we’ll end up back there… but I’m not counting on it. Life is going to go which ever way it does and we won’t know until we get there… there’s still so much time, and so much unknown I can’t keep dwelling on it.

Carita got me a Sephora gift card for my birthday 🙂 Sweet of her, even sweeter because… I can use it online! So I went Illamasqua shopping excitedly, and after perfecting my cart, and picking all of my freebies (!), everything I was buying,,, doesn’t ship to Canada. Come on Canada… what the hell. It’s so weird how so many companies don’t ship here, and certain things aren’t available here. Ah well, maybe I’ll save my card for Vancouver and hope that they carry Illamasqua! 

Back to the random mundane entries for me. It’s better than that depressing mess from yesterday I guess.

I also signed up to be a Julep Maven. 20.00 bucks a month and they send you three products a month, usually two polishes and a make up product based on your "style" profile. But, you can choose a different style profile if you like it better. It’s nice to be part of a club… haha

I’m re-vamping #thetrophywifelife into a make-up blog called "Isha who stays at home". Will just be me, reviewing products and chronicling my new found love (obsession?) with Nail Polish.

On January 1st 2013, I owned one nail polish. Zoya Annie. I loved it. I always got my toes done in Annie when I went for Pedi’s… until the wedding… OPI an affair in red square. But, I didn’t have any luck with nail polish on my hands. So when Carita got married, I fell so hard in love with Annie, I payed the 14.00 price tag for it… and it didn;t chip… almost all winter… and she  got married in September. So I told myself I would invest in a few Zoya’s… but at 14.00 a bottle I wasn’t in any rush.

So fast forward to January 2013. I bought about 6 online. I love them. I love them so much, I went from 1 to 25 in three months! Simple polish I can do. But it’s all this fancy nail art I need the help with… so I’m going to experiment a bit and write about it… see how it goes! Kind of an anti-tutorial.

Make-up wise, I know my products… so there I can provide some advice. I’m finding most of the make up blogs I’m perusing the girls are so over done… I keep it pretty simple now… you know I’m 29, married stay at home wife. Also even when I wear a red lip I feel like I’m wearing more makeup than the entire town of Fort Mac… but I’ll never give up my red lips… never!

What other not-so-exciting things am I up to? 

Ear stretching? I started in January… I met a girl at a new years party and she had the most beautiful Rose gold eyelets. I’ve never been opposed to stretching my ears, but it’s like me and tattoo’s, I know it when I see it, or when I get it.. I just know.

So I started at a 12g, which is a bit big to start, but my holes were bigger to begin with. I’m at a 6g now. The piercer in Miami skipped 8g. So I went from 10g to 6g. Yeah, won’t do that again! It was just the initial stretch that was the worst… but I was travelling so sitting at home icing my ears or sea salt baths weren’t an option for a while… which would’ve helped immensely. I only have 4g, 2g and 0g and I’m done. No need to rush it.

When you look at the 10g next to the 4g i have they look like babies! I was like jesus christ no wonder that hurt like a bitch! 

When we got back I had my hair pulled up, glasses on and no make-up and I looked at Sam and said… "I feel like I’m prettier with the spacers".
I ordered my 0g eyelets today, I won’t get to wear them for a while, but they keep selling out… so I wanted to have them ready 🙂

This… is a big deal. I have the worst self image of any one I know. I watched that Dove ad campaign on youtube and bawled my eyes out… Especially the girl who said "my mom says I have a round face"… my mom is super critical. She’s always nit picking me. How I wear mty make up, how I dress, how my facial expressions are.

I had a break down at home, because my mom always criticizes my weight. I know she’s trying to help, but even though she lived through my physical anorexia… she doesn’t know that I still have that mentality that tells me to skip meals, or drink water instead of eating. She doesn’t know I’m not ok yet. So I tried to tell her.

And she got upset. Sometimes I wonder if anyone ever understands me. 

Everyone in my family were like, why are you stretching your ears? That’s ‘disgusting’. It’s going to make you ‘ugly’.
I stopped myself for so long doing things because I always worried how I’d be perceived by other people. My family included.

I don;t want to sound like a jerk But I’ve never been overweight by health standards. My older brother has always been overweight. But that doesn’t seem to matter. All of the physical pressure is on me. His health be damned.

I love my brother, but he’s stubborn as a mule, and he’s not going to listen anyway… I just don’t understand why they all judge me constantly… and I never say a peep about them. Maybe it’s an Indian thing?

My mom said… "All of your cousins gained wait after they got married. But in India it’s ok because marriage is different there… it means more. There’s no divorce. You married a white man… you have to keep yourself so he won’t leave you".

Really mom? Thanks for that, it’s incredibly untrue to start… and really? Stresses me out a bit. I think Fort Mac is good for in that, they can’t judge me via the phone. Except for "Are you sick? Really you sound sick… are you sure you’re not sick? Are you eating fruits?".

I feel like I look like a monster. I can’t unsee all of the nit picking she’s done over the years.

Anyways I’m developing a "to hell with you" attitude in regards to my appearance. I’m sort of coming into my own and I’m too old to be affected by my parents anymore. My dad is 76 he doesn’t understand the western style to begin with. Sorry guys, I’m not going to wear Salwar Kameez everyday… it’s not my bag.

On a happy note. I pulled out my guitar today. I think he needs to be tuned. My finger tattoo is still healing, but I don’t want to wait forever to start playing my guitar! So he’s out.

Now… I’m going to attempt to one handedly wash my hair.
 
Yikes.