I’m Christian..Unless You’re Gay
I LOVE reading articles that hit home hard. This article was pretty much my entire childhood, from at least grade 6 onwards when I knew I was different. I was SO much like that 15-year old boy in the article.
http://www.danoah.com/2012/04/a-teens-brave-response-to-im-christian-unless-youre-gay.html
I remember thinking when I was a teenager that there must be MILLIONS of people like me out there in the world, and yet there was nowhere and no-one that they felt they could turn to. There really wasn’t much at all. I was lucky I had my friend Sam in Perth to chat to on MSN late into the early hours of the morning. He wasn’t raised Christian, but helped me understand my feelings and we grew a strong trust in each other. Even today, although we barely talk, I still regard him as one of the most precious people I’ve ever met. He was my support network, and in these days of so much more accessibility via websites and forums, it just seems so much easier. I almost felt HELPLESS back on the farm, in the middle of nowhere really (to me it might as well have been) and me just trying to understand my own feelings and attractions toward other guys at my school and customers at my work etc. Sam later on started dating a Christian guy, and I thought I could make friends via him, but I found out he didn’t like the way I lived my life (whatever that means – typical Christian hypocrite). Sam remained true though, and he’s had a few relationships since. As have I. My first boyfriend was a Christian guy – my best friend’s brother many years ago now. It was a good start. I guess we learned together.
But this article. Wow. The email he sent to his mum reminds me of the note I wrote and threw onto my parents bed in the hotel room we were staying in Mackay, that simply read, ‘I’m gay". I had never been more scared in my life then at that moment, back in 2003. Nine years ago. And it still seems like the saaaaaame behaviour. Gays are bad, gays go to hell.
I wish to high hell I had not been raised so Christian. The idea that I used to put my hands to the sky and pray and do communion sickens me these days, after realising something that is something so NORMAL and beautiful, can be seen as something so blatantly homophobic and fearful by a lot of Christians, all because "somebody told them to be that way".
I will never forget that quote from my DVD that I own called ‘For the bible tells me so’ (which is a documentary about families who each have gay Christian children). "They behave that way because somebody else told them to." It’s so true. The Bible told them to – a preacher told them to. Not once did they think to form an opinion of their own.
My dad told me he prays for me every night. My cousins told me they would ‘pray for me’. When they told me that, I told them ‘That’s fine, but if you’re praying to change me, don’t bother’. They said they wouldn’t, but I hardly believed them. The hate has always been too ingrained, at least in the Lutheran church back then, it seemed to me.
My parents since learned that friends of theirs also had a gay son. I always told my parents to talk to my first boyfriends parents, but I never knew if they actually communicated or got along. They had another friends who’s son Lucas was gay – he also used to be Chairman of the LYQ (Lutheran Youth of Queensland). I never knew, but I guess that’s why he left. I used to listen to him give speeches at the Synods dad used to go to every year (and still does). I never knew he was gay back then though, so when my mum pulled me aside at a Christian family get-together one year and asked me, ‘Did you know Lucas is gay?’ – I shockingly replied back, ‘No!!’ ‘0_0’
Lucas has since passed away, in unfortunately circumstances last year. It was a very sad occasion for all involved, and it held an even closer bond for me. We were both gay Christians, he only three years elder than I, and both Lutheran. His parents and my parents used to talk to each other about their sons and how to deal with it. I have no idea what they talked about or whatnot. I don’t know if I’ll ever know. The cause of Lucas’ sudden death in the UK was never determined 🙁 He and I weren’t friends, but I definitely knew him. Whether he knew me, I do not know, but maybe through the ranks. Pretty sure dad introduced me to him at Synod in Adelaide back in 2000.
Even today, in 2012, the idea of fear and hatred towards gays/lesbians baffles and bewilders me.
So you’d think, with almost a decade behind the belt, and the circumstances that have occured, and my parents knowing that I’m clearly not the only gay christian out there (not that I really refer to myself as that anymore), that they would have at least grown up a bit. Luca’s parents have lost their son, and I often wonder if Lucas brought up the conversation with them, being as involved as he was with the church. I don’t deny that I’m gay to my parents, but they don’t mention it either. It’s just taboo, and compared to the life I live in the city, it’s like I’m going back to being a child.
And once again that child will have to re-emerge at the Easter get-together this weekend.
I wouldn’t change who I am just for the sake of their comfort levels. Be who you are around your parents and let them deal with their prejudices. xxx
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You are so brave. Don’t ever change–you’re doing fine.
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Wow! Look at you on the front page! 🙂
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Maybe they’re just jealous you have amazing sex with hot guys. 😉 I know I am. Hahahaha. But honestly, I think so much of it is still the same when it seems like we should have grown in bounds by now.
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Thanks for sharing your story. I think you’ll do just great at Easter! Make it a quick visit, be who you are, and don’t listen to anybody’s crap. Remember– their problems with sexuality are about THEM, not about you. With admiration,
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p.s. I just read the note above mine, lol, priceless!
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This was really interesting to read, I also think you’re very brave. Is your mom a bit more accepting than your dad?
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In this society it seems to be more accepted into the world to be ‘gay’ where as in my grandparents generation – not so much. I remember once I was talking with my grandma and great grandma about a guy and when u said he was ‘gay’ ( because he was actually gay) my grandma told me to shut up before ,y great grandma heard me…it’s wrong! To me it doesn’t matter what your faith/sexuality is…you’reall different and people should accept it! xxx
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“And it still seems like the saaaaaame behaviour. Gays are bad, gays go to hell.” Regardless of what any of feel about a person’s sexual orientation, only God can say who goes to hell and who does not. While I don’t feel that being gay is wrong or a sin, it is the sexual act that is the sin. But again ~~ I also choose to believe that God is loving and merciful and those who judge you or…
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anyone else who is gay are certainly not being very Christian-like at all!
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I hope my own child will always know I’ll accept her, and defend her to the death, regardless of her sexual orientation. My heart hurts for kids whose family and friends try to pray the gay away. If only those folks spent half as much time asking for help with their own issues…
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I believe it takes a lot more than a ‘label’ to define a person. I hope one day this is seen true by many more people in the world. Well done for voicing your feelings Matt and your pride in who you are. Tolerence is a pill that can be hard to swallow for some, and undoing the ‘conditioned’ teachings of ones belief can be even more conflicting than the realisation of ones sexual orientations. –
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Well done Matt, when one person stands up, they stand up for the rest of us xx
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*hugs* Gotta love “Christians” Saw you on the front page BTW. 🙂
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I feel the same when I think of how my mum and family tried to force me to think how they do when it comes to being Christian and white..Makes me sick..and I am so grateful I don’t judge others and I get to know even if its on line sweet people like you Matt..Don’t ever let others tell you how you should feel,love or live.. I don’t know how it feels to be gay,but I do know how it feels to believe in something your family is so against and believes in the root of all evil,I tried telling my mum I am Pagan but thinks its a joke She won’t let me talk about it b/c she fears its so evil..and I should be going to church..and I won’t tell anyone inside my family b/c it’s not worth it better to stay the child they think I am..I just tell my friends who don’t judge me for it..My family are very very right wing people its sad…So I have to stay inside a Broom Closet for a while but since I was little I have known who I was and what I believe in…Thanks for sharing this stuff..I read them both and it’s nice to see how He’s email changed his mothers heart.. (((HUGGS))) Mermy
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I believe in God and a Goddess and I find it sad that so called Christians have nothing better to do with their time then to keep spreading such hate against people who are not like them..I am not gay but I don’t see any harm in loving someone who is the same sex just b/c some silly book called a bible says it so..Old unwise men sit about writing that rubbish to fit their own needs..and yes I haveread The bible cover to cover and it’s just nice stories,and people should remember not everything put in print is truth..The world is not the same as it was back then..The Bible says Witches are evil also what I load of rubbish..I would never take the time to read Christian hate..These same people need to go out and buy a mirror and stop judging others thats not their job..The bible should be about LOVE NOT HATE!!
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Your situation with your family saddens me so much. I know God made you perfect. I know he doesn’t concern himself with our sex life. Religion institutions hang on to archaic social controls and people learn fear of difference and expressions of individuality. Human sexuality is normal. The only thing immoral is when power is unbalanced and one party doesn’t consent.
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Your job as parents is to love and protect your children, to boost their self-esteem and to nurture their passions so that when they emerge into the world as young adults they are confident and capable of making it on their own. Your parents taught you there was something wrong with you… and there ISN’T! that makes me irate.
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Good for you knowing and standing up for who you are, it couldn’t have been easy but you did it 😀 Which is more than most people can say. Nice to see you on the front page :o) xx
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Hmm…
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thank you for sharing this. 🙂 saw you on the front page. i wish that your parents could celebrate the person you are. ALL of who are you. i’m sorry that you have struggled, but i hope you know that by putting this out there you’re helping someone somewhere who is also struggling. *hugs from afar*
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Thanks for posting this article. So moving! I shared it on my Facebook. Most of my friends are gay-friendly, but you know that there are always some haters out there, whether you realize it or not.
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Christians can be judgemental hypocrites!
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wonderful article!
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I’m always fascinated by people that say they “HAVE TO” pretend to be normal because of [fill in the blank]. You see it a lot with kids that did grow up Christian and want to act a certain way, and expect others to just accept their behavior. To call yourself a Christian means that you buy into certain ideas (referred to as doctrines), just like any religious belief.
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To say that they believe that way because “someone told them to” is assanine. Everyone believes what they decide to believe. I’m not going to sit here and brow beat you on Old Testament law because I believe the Bible is clear on the fact that as a Christian, it doesn’t apply in this age. The New Testament is clear on behaviours such as that, calling it sin and ungodliness.
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There are many behaviors other than homosexuality called ungodliness in the Bible. It doesn’t stand alone. My point is that by calling yourself a Christian and choosing to ignore certain teachings is your choice, but berating and denigrating others for taking a different interpretation is just silly. I hope things go better with you and your family this weekend, either way.
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Saw you on the FP. Just wanted to say I’m a Christian but believe in a God who loves us all, regardless of who we love. We are not here to judge each other; that’s His job! I TOTALLY agree with convoyeur – their problems w sexuality are about them and are no reflection on you. Pray the gay away…what an absurd thing to say! Be yourself, now and always. Much respect.
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I will never understand how the same group of people can wax poetic about love in all its forms one minute and spew vile hatred the next. I like Aidan O’s meme at the bottom of this entry (http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=D498454&entry=11150). I pretty much want to plaster it everywhere there’s hypocrisy. Stay strong, friend. 🙂
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my best friend steven is gay, i still remember how nervous he was telling me (we are in our 30s now, but this was around the age of 19 or so). he lost a lot of friends when he came out. he told me that he likes boys and my response was “me too” (plus i kind of sort of already knew he was gay anyway-it wasnt a big shocker) haha. his mother and aunt tell him not to tell people he is gay and his mother (who i used to work for) says he is just going through a phase. i say do whatever makes you happy, i wasnt raised in a religious environment. i am ok with gays, im ok with women using birth control or the morning after pill or even getting an abortion. im also ok with a white man being president or a black man, or any color (male or female). im even ok with a woman breastfeeding their baby in public. haha. well cover up. dont show teen age boys your boobs. oh and im against animal abuse but for animal testing (figure that one out?).
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my grandparents were the same with my uncle and it always saddened me. He’s been with his partner for 15 years but they tell relatives and friends he’s waiting for the right girl. Sadder is that my uncle hides his partner at events where his co-workers are. God will accept you whatever way you are as that’s how he made you.
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This is one of my biggest pet peeves. God made all of us. He made me. He made you. He made us the way we are. When people say, “Oh, gays have fallen under Satan,” it just rightly pisses me off. Good example, I have a cousin who is gay. I’ve always known he was gay… even before he came out. If anyone was born gay, David was. He had some issues with testosterone production within his bodyand for several years, he had to shoot himself up with testosterone so he would go through puberty. If God hadn’t made David that way, he may or may not have been gay… Regardless, I love him and he’s one of my favorite cousins (though you’re no really supposed to have those, huh?). I don’t know if that makes any sense, but I don’t believe that gays are in cahoots with the devil. I think that if God hadn’t wanted there to be gays, there wouldn’t be.
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Good entry by the way.I am a practicing Buddhist and we accept all and everyone…we support the G/L/T communities.Sounds like your parents need to find a support group.On Easter I would make rainbow eggs with each and everyones name on them ( crayolas are great )and hand them out with a lil’ bag of raibow skittles…good luck ~ Lola Falana
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🙁 I don’t get how anyone can say “love” and then “hate” in the next second.
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I’ll never understand why being gay is such a big deal, it’s not how I was raised.. In the UK I think someone would be flogged to death if someone started hating on a gay person in such an open way. It’s definitely eye opening. My sister is gay, I like both and so does a few members of my family – I’ve never had reason to feel weird! I can’t even imagine what it would be like…
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… To live somewhere filled with so much ignorance and hatred. The sad thing is, if you’re raised and taught something enough, you’ll grow up believing it. I’m just thankful my family are a bunch of heathens. But seriously, thanks for writing this, it’s beautifully written and I wish you all the best 🙂
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Nothing in the bible applies to me. Why? I’m not a Christian. I can’t imagine what it must be like for you. I’ve never been/felt opressed by a religion or culture. My country isn’t able to function that way anymore. I’m glad you found a balance or whatever you want to call it.
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RYN: I dunno man I have a coworker/friend who I heard has been telling a friend of mine he wants to sit me down and tell me I’m making a really bad choice being gay. He wants to save me. Pray the gay away. His hearts in the right place but I don’t know where the eff his mind is. All I will have to say is that “my sexuality is not a choice. Your ignorance is”
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That was a very powerful article. It reminds me of exactly opposite of the type of Christian I want to be. I believe and trust in God but I don’t think it is okay to make others feel guilty or evil for being gay. Even as a kid I thought that was ridiculous. I wish Christians as a whole were more loving and less judgemental. But all I can do is do my part. Thanks for sharing your story
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