I had to call the cops

I haven’t been to gym in four days now.  I feel really bad about it.  It wasn’t through being lazy this morning though.  I had one of those shifts last night.  There were actually a lot of very good looking customers in last night!  Guys and girls!  But I don’t think I have served so many drunk people in one eight-hour shift since I started there!  Jesus Christ! 

This one guy took the cake though.  I knew immediately this guy was SMASHED off his tits because a) his bourbon-breath nearly knocked me off my feet it was SO strong, b) he carried a Lipton iced tea bottle which clearly did not contain what it was made for, c) he couldn’t even form words d) he was swaying all over the place.

To cut a long story short, he asked me for.. well I actually have no idea he was slurring so much.  I kept telling him ‘I can’t understand what you’re asking for, what are you after?’ and I rattled off a few things he might want – cigarettes being the obvious option.  I then had to POINT to each brand with him only giving a grunt in response.  I wasn’t getting anywhere.  This guy must have been at least 50 years old.  He was not some young gun out on a bender.  He was wearing King Gee shorts and a reflector shirt, similar to what you’d see a tradie wearing on the job I suppose.  He might have been a council worker.  I figured he’d probably gone for Friday after-drink works and hadn’t stopped since.

It must have been about 1:30am or so when he came in.  And of course there was absolutely no-one around, or anywhere near the forecourt when I realised this guy was going to cause me to be concerned for my safety.  He had a packet of chips and I tried a few cigarettes he might have wanted.  He pulled out a card to pay for them.  Great.  I knew this was going to be a waste of time.  As IF he was going to be able to key in a PIN on an EFTPOS machine. 

Luckily I managed to understand that it was ‘credit’ and he wanted to sign for it.  I put it through – Insuffient funds.  What a surprise!  Not!  He had clearly spent every cent he had on booze and God only knows what.  I took the chips off the sale, as I figured he’d want the cigs more.  Still declined.  As a last efffort I took the cigarettes off and put the chips through, sure that he wouldn’t even have the $3.65 for that.  He stood there for about half an hour, emptying his pockets over and over, clearly clueless as to what planet he was even on.  Surprisingly his card approved.  I told him the chips were his and to go and eat them but he didn’t have enough money for the cigarettes.

He then decided to sit down on the pile of Courier Mail’s I had just neatly put out in a pile.  So much for that – they went flying everywhere.  He sat there and munched on his salt and vinegar chips, spilling chips all around him.  He sat there whilst I served a couple of other customers who came in.  The customers were nice – some of them asking if I was okay and if I needed any help dealing with this guy.  The first two who asked even hung around outside to see if I was doing alright.  It was after I served them that I realised this guy was not listening to me at all to go outside and get some fresh air.  He kept saying something about needing to go to the PA hospital, and I told him that he couldn’t get a cab there because he didn’t have the money for one. 

I realised the only way this guy was going to get anywhere without any money was if I rang the police.  So I did.  I rang policelink and gave them details of an older drunk man who was making me very uncomfortable.  He sat where he was on the newspapers whilst I was on the phone and didn’t move at all other than to hiccup, cough (I swore he was going to hurl about ten times, but amazingly he didn’t) and eat his chips.  The police said they’d send someone around to deal with him.  I thanked them.

Of course the cops took what felt like forever to arrive, as I’d rang policelink and not 000.  As much as I want to ring 000 for the speedy response, it’s not the right number to ring.  I knew I’d have to deal with this guy until the cops were well and truly ready to come help me.  It was after I hung up that the guy started slurringly-threatening me – i think I made out ‘I’m gunna come back and kick you’re arse *hiccup* you cunt.’
I found this amusing and said ‘Oh really, is that right?’ considering the guy couldn’t even form a sentence, let alone throw a punch.  He woulda lost his balance and fell over, probably knocking himself out cold.  I only had a few customers the whole time this guy was in the store, which woulda been at least an hour and a half.  The customers who were in earlier motioned to me through the glass to ask if I was okay and I thumbed up, miming thanks, the cops were on their way.  The drunk guy was clearly oblivious as to why I was even on the phone – I think he was enjoying making a complete mess of my display and leaving crumbs everywhere.  At one stage when he first put the chips on the counter, he raised his fist and brought it down hard onto the chip bag – the bag exploding and chips flying all over the counter and floor.  I calmly said to him, ‘well that was smart’. 

I definitely had my ‘Don’t-take-shit-cap on’.  I know I completely fake it as I was very cautious of this guy, but he really was THAT FAR GONE that I didn’t need to feel as threatened as I felt like I could have been.  When he stood up (somehow) and stumbled over to me again and said something else about the PA Hospital I think, I had the door buzzer ready to go and lock myself in the back room and him in the store until the cops arrived.  I think he made a few more drunk threats, and then a few customers came along and distracted him for a while.  The look on this poor pretty girl’s face whom I served was pure ‘What-the-fuck?’ and I managed to serve her without any issues.  I was still as friendly as I always am to the other customers and only paid attention to the drunk when he was slurring something at me.  I served a few other guys who called him a few harmless names as they initially thought he was just drunk, but they realised he was more than that and went on their way.  A cabbie I served asked if I was ok, and I said "I am, but thank you’.  I was so appreciative.

He drunk then kept motioning toward the pie cabinet.  He seemed to actually start to listen to me.  I asked him if he wanted a pie, and asked him which one he wanted.  ‘Any’ was the response I think he slurred, so I gave him one and told him to eat it because it’ll make him feel better.  It was THEN that the idiot pulled out an opened packet of cigarettes from his pocket.  I told him to go and sit at the table outside and get some fresh air and have a smoke and eat his pie.  I just wrote off the pie as wastage.  Anything to try and get this guy to sober up a little.  One thing I did learn in my RSA course 🙂

He put his bags down again and went rummaging through them, like he had a few times before.  It was whilst he was doing that that the cops FINALLY arrived.  Because he was busy, he didn’t see them walk in behind him.  It was two guy cops.  One of them did all the talking and the drunk turned around and noticed them.  I hoped he wouldn’t get mad at seeing the uniform, but he just said ‘how ya goin brotha’?’ to the cop and they managed to get some details from him and found out his name.  After a bit of small talk, they got him to come with them.  I heard the drunk ask if they were going to take him to the watch-house, but this cop had a sense of humour.  It was almost as though he knew exactly how to deal with this guy, and he could sense how anxious I was by that stage.  The cop said, ‘Nah, they’ll only keep you for a few hours – besides, that takes paperwork and I can’t be bothered doing that – I’m tired and don’t wanna do paperwork.’  It made me smile that he made the drunk feel comfortable as well.  The cops wished me a good night and left with the drunk in tow.  I’m assuming they gave him a lift back to wherever he lived or was staying.  Finally – he was out of the store.

That one guy put me SO far behind in my work and I didn’t get out until 5:30am instead of 5am because I had yet to do dips and meters.  I couldn’t as I had to stay there and keep an eye on that guy.  It was such a relief to have him out of the store.  I thanked the cops of their way out.  I’m sure they had much better things to do with their night.

I then had to sweep up all the mess and mop the area he’s spilt his drink in.  I smothered the counter in Glen 20 in an effort to destroy the overwhelming odour stench.

When the lady after me arrived, I just wanted to go home. I told her all about what had happened and that I was glad the new guy wasn’t rostered on that night!  He doesn’t need that shit in his first week on the job.  He actually came in before this crap happened.  He reckons he’s gunna come in at work tomorrow night to watch how I do a weekend shift, as he has to do next weekend by himself.  Good thinking!  I like how this guy is keen to learn everything.  It’s Riverfire tonight, so I’ll probably have just as many drunk people in throughout the night.  

I had intended to go to the gym, but I’d had enough. You know how you have a bad day and the only thing you can think of is a hot shower and bed?  Yeah, I was like that!   It wasn’t until I reached the Mater that I realised I had a message from the cute customer who comes into work, asking if I wanted to cuddle.  I was already well past his house, wherever that is – I know it was back near my work somewhere but I have yet to go there.  I explained I was sorry and just wanted to go home.  Maybe another time.  Maybe.