Truth Hurts

Today I left work, thankful I finally got to have a night off tonight!  🙂  Six shifts in a row this time, over with!  Boo-yeah!  Free!  Well for two nights off anyway.
I pretty much went straight home when my bus arrived and went on the net for a bit, but it was being weird and not letting my chat to people.  I was chatting to my crush about Sydney next week trying to organise the first night we are there.  Boy oh boy I’m gunna be fucked that day I realised.  I have work the night before, then get home from work, get my stuff organised, catch my flight, wait about four hours at the airport for him to arrive on his flight, then we gotta go to his rellies places where we are staying around 6pm and we gotta be at the TOP party by 7pm!  It’s gunna be a complete rush!  I’m thinking I’m gunna have to get ready at the airport!  And I still don’t know what I’m gunna wear yet!  AHH!  It’s hard to predict what sort of party it’s going to be.  At least the Homesexual party is an ocean theme!  This one doesn’t have a theme, it just looks fairly… elegant I guess?  I don’t wanna turn up in something that completely contrasts what everyone else there is wearing haha.  Oh well.  I doubt I’ll find much at the airport to wear!

Anyway I slept today, or rather must’ve passed out because I woke up the opposite way on my bed, with my head at the feet of the bed and my feet under my pillows.  I know I’m fucked when that happens.  For some reason when I woke up, I looked at the time and it said 9am.  I was meeting my friend Zach at 3pm so I thought I had plenty of time and closed my eyes again.  I literally hadn’t slept long and I woke up again and the time said 3pm.  SHIT!  There was a message on my phone from Zach saying ‘Raww’.  Haha.  Whoops!  I pretty much threw on clothes, grabbed my laptop and hard drive, shoved them in my laptop bag and took off.  I was gunna catch a cab there, but after waiting about fifteen minutes at the cab rank outside the hospital, I gave up and ended up walking the whole way, to Paddington.  It was nice walking along Caxton street again after a fair while.  That suburb really does have everything you could possibly think of.

Got to Zach’s and he was at the door, thinking I was looking lost, but I was thirsty after the walk and was just looking for a shop that had drinks haha.  We went into the Turkish restaurant next door and I just got a bottle of pepsi – first cool thing I saw really.

Went to Zach’s and I saw this absolutely MASSIVE TV in his loungeroom.  Reckons he scored it from JB for $1700.  Nice.  He was using his Playstation controller to play movies from his hard drive – he’s a geek like that.  Hence why I was there – he was giving me all the Glee episodes as I realised I’d never actually sat down and watched the show properly, only when it first began.
He got me all excited when he said Season 2 of The Gates was coming out in March.  I was like, ‘WHAT!?!  I heard it was cancelled after the first season!’  We argued over that for a while – I’d LOVE to see a second season of that!  But ABC in America axed it 🙁  It ended so abruptly, they CAN’T end it there.  Zach looked it up and saw I was right – it’s cancelled.  Damn!  I was so excited for a little while.

Anyway, we watched RupPaul’s Drag Race season 3.  Omg, I love it!  I’ve seen the first two seasons, but season 3 is even more tragic and bitchy than the first two already haha, and we only watched like three episodes 😀  I can’t wait to get the rest of them – i think they are up to six episodes in at the moment.

Anyway, Matt messaged me asking if I wanted to go shopping at Chermside and if I wanted picking up, but I wasn’t at home so I told him the address where I was, and he and his sister came and got me from there.  I said goodbye to Zach.  It was SO good ot hang out with him again after such an insane amount of time.  Something happened and he just wouldn’t reply to messages or hang out, but I think he’s becoming himself again, so it was nice.  He always makes me laugh and it’s nice to have him back.

Matt picked me up and we went to Chermside.  I didn’t buy anything but it was moreso for the company.  His sister wanted to come with for some reason, but she’s alright.  We got a bit lost trying to find our way there haha, so we only had like half an hour until the shops closed!  I was just looking forward to food, and was so thankful scoffing down Red Rooster haha.  Matt got some stationary from Kikki K.  Omg I was so bored in there.  His sister was too – we spend the whole time wandering around looking at the most boring shit ever.  He eventually decided to buy some stuff and i was thankful just to walk out of there haha.

Left the shops after getting food and Matt dropped his sister off home, then dropped me off home.  I went in my room for a while and Luke was all excited because he’s going to see Rihanna tomorrow night.  He’s leaving work early and all just to go there to line up.  Such a queen 😀  Haha.  The new housemate eventually came home from wherever he was and spent a while chatting to me about random stuff, dating and boys I used to date.  He found it romantic about when I was 18 and I dated a 16 year old who’s parents thought I was dating his sister the whole time.  It was quite a funny situation, driving out to Pittsworth every weekend to climb in his bedroom window and hook up with him at 2am in the morning.  His parents would find me on the other bunk in his room the next morning, which was okay because I wasn’t allowed to sleep with their daughter anyway.  She thought it was hilarious – but that’s such an old story now.

He was talking to me about this book he’d got a hold of.  I saw the title of it – "Holding The Man."  He was wondering if I’d read it.  I’ve read the script but not the book, and I’ve seen the play when it was here in Brisbane a few years ago.  I remember leaving the powerhouse in tears.  He was 100 pages in and wasn’t sure if he wanted to keep reading it because it hit close to home with the current situation he’s in.  He’s so cute.  The whole time he’s standing in my doorway chatting to me, I’m just lost in his face.  He.. is….so…damn….easy….on….the….eyes.  I’m sure he gets that all the time.  He came back downstairs a bit later in nothing but underwear, which didn’t help!  GOD!  WHY!  He then wanted to model his wonderjock for me, which he did, and the point of it was to look at his crotch because that’s what the wonderjock does – enhances your package.  it certainly did haha.  And that’s all he was wearing.  He was saying he wore it to the shops in jeans and felt so weird because there was a definite bulge happening.  Haha, well I guess if it works it works!  So yeah after he finished modelling to me (thank you god sweet jesus lol) he went upstairs because Luke called him for something.

I then left to go catch up with Lindsay for a late night coffee.  New housemate came downstairs as i was closing the door and I wished him a good night.  It probably did look like I was ducking out for late night hook-up haha!  Nope, completely innocent.

i love catching up with Lindsay.  He is the most bitter, cunt and hilarious guy I know.  We went to pancakes, as it’s 24 hours, and I ordered a milkshake, wedges and lemon lime and bitters.  I didn’t end up finishing it, even close to half of any of it.  That’s typical for there – the food is pretty gross haha.  Oh well at least it only came to like $15.  I spent most of the time munching on his side salad lol.  God we have some crazy conversations haha, and we’re usually both in fits of laughter with each other.  He’s literally the only person I have in my life who I pretty much completely replicate my private diary with.  Obviously not in as much detail as I do here, but he gets the main points.  He’s always paying me out with shit like I have every disease on the planet because of the amount of sex I have, and that I only hook up with guys once because they never wanna come back for seconds.  Like I said – complete cunt.  Haha.  He makes me laugh though.  He’s always boasting that he has a huge dick and that I have a small one, so that argument usually ends up in laughs because I’m like, ‘well why do they keep coming back?’ ‘I’m bigger than your cherrio cunt.’ etc shit like that and he’s right back with it, ‘because they feel sorry for you.’ Hahaha.
Tonight I had him laughing more than me though, which is rare.  For some reason we were talking about having sex with fat guys, and I was saying how I’m simply shallow and just can’t do it because I do not want to feel fat rolls slamming me in the forehead while I’m sucking someone off.  Well, that set him off into roars of laughter.  It’s good when I can make the comedian laugh, but I’ve pretty much just gotta use shock-factor to make him laugh, and the funny thing is, usually it’s something that’s actually happened.  He’s convinced that my crush only hooked up with me once because it was horrible.  I’m always scratching my ear with my middle finger, pointing it in his direction.  When I say ‘fuck you’ (which is said A LOT) he’s always like ‘all talk and no walk.’  Haha, then I’m like, ‘sorry I have standards’ and he says he likes Sebastian the crab in his disney movies and not in his pants.  Hilarious.  

He was actually messaging me at work last night a bit upset about something. 

"Serious question:  have you ever had a thing with someone and they just one day stopped taking your calls or SMS’s and went completely silent?"

I replied to him, ‘honey that happens ALL the time.  That’s called No Strings.  I don’t see it as my problem, it’s clearly theirs and there’s not much you can do about it."

He said he didn’t see it as no strings, and he seemed a bit upset by it, but turns out it’s just been on his mind lately.

At first I was excited that he actually got some sex because it’s been so long – I’m talking years.  He’s always joking that his hymen has closed over again it’s been that long lol.  But no, he’s was just remembering.

I mean, that’s happened to me SO many times, and yeah, it sucks.  People will fuck you over.  I guess it’s just another learning curve of life.  It’s inevitable that some people wanna take what they can from you, and once they’ve got that, that’s it.  No friendship, no other exchanges, no more communication ever.  I guess it’s good just to think about the majority of people who actually like to have you in their life as a friend or a somewhat-friend or whatever.  I think what hurts the most is that the truth wasn’t laid out in the beginning.  One person expected more and got hurt because of it.

I got home from dinner and my new housemate was still up, reading his book.  I must’ve fell asleep in front of my laptop because next thing I know I hear my voice.  It was him, in my doorway again.  He was nearly finished the book but it was still hitting home for him.  Of course, once again he was only in underwear.  We had a good talk again.  he’s just nice to talk to if anything.  I mean, my attaction to Josh never wore off when I lived with him, so I really doubt it will with this guy either.  God damn having young model-looking housemates!  I hate it! 

Well okay, I love it.

He wanted to stop reading the book but I said he can’t just stop reading it.  He asked if they stay together in the end.  I said I didn’t remember, because I truly don’t remember haha, it was that long ago I saw that play.  He said I just didn’t wanna give the ending away for him.  He went back off to bed to finish the book.  It’s nearly 3am now so I think he should be finished it right now.  He just see’s himself as Tim from the book, wheras his ex boyfriend is John from the book.  I wish I didn’t have a shit memory so I knew what he was on about but I’m pretty much John wants to sleep around wheras Tim wants to stay together.  I know he misses him.  I still don’t get why they ended their relationship, but it’s not my book cover to judge. 

I still feel the odd one out in this house, but I really do love my housemates.  It’s kind of an interesting but really nice mix.  I don’t feel it inside, but I think on the outside I look and act like I’m around their age, so maybe that helps with fitting in.  Either way, I think it’s going pretty well.

Tomorrow off, well today now.  Thank God.  I probably would’ve stayed at Matt’s tonight if he didn’t have to work today, but I can’t do that to him.  Maybe tomorrow night.  he was saying that he finds it really hard to find decent guys in Brisbane.  I said to him I forget what dating even is it’s been that long since I had a boyfriend, and that I don’t think other cities would be much better and that the location isn’t what matters.  I said that to Lindsay as well tonight (about the dating thing) and Lindsay point blank said to me, ‘Well it involves keeping your dick in your pants for more than an hour.’ Hahaha fucking smart-ass.

I really do want another boyfriend.  I really do forget what it even feels like to have one.  But I don’t wanna repeat past mistakes.  It’d be awesome to find one who completely accepts me for me and doesn’t judge me for what I do and doesn’t expect me to change for them.  That’s the corker.