Goodbye Luke, Goodbye My Love

 "Goodbye My Lover" – James Blunt

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
‘Cause I saw the end before we’d begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what’s mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won’t stop there,
I am here for you if you’d only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I’ve kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I’ve been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can’t break my spirit – it’s my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I’ve seen you cry, I’ve seen you smile.
I’ve watched you sleeping for a while.
I’d be the father of your child.
I’d spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We’ve had our doubts but now we’re fine,
And I love you, I swear that’s true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I’m asleep.
And I will bare my soul in time,
When I’m kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I’m so hollow, baby, I’m so hollow.
I’m so, I’m so, I’m so hollow.

Okay.  Now that I’ve had my cry for the night, I think I’m okay.  Reason being, tonight I organised to hang out with Luke.  I went and picked him up from his house, and we went to Toscani’s at Chermside, to have a wonderful dinner together.  I won’t get to spend much time with him after today so I figured why not.  He’s gunna be swamped the next two days because he moves to Toowoomba on Friday.  Tomorrow is his last day at work.  Dinner was good and we talked for a fair while there.  It was my first time at that restaurant and Luke recommendd it.  But because my money is tight until I get paid next, Luke kindly offered to pay for my bill.  He’s done that the last few times.  I had my last $20 in my wallet and I handed it to him, but he refused to take it, with my pathetic attempts to shove it in one of his pockets on his jeans, whether it meant me feeling up his arse or not lol.  It was a lotta fun.  We were holding hands at the table.. just like old times.

After dinner, I suggested we go back to my place to watch Family Guy.  We watched about 4 episodes when Luke noticed I was tired and got up for me to take him home.  The drive home was pretty quiet actually.  I dunno if we were both thinking or what, but it’s about a 15 minute drive, and mainly all we did was sing along to the songs on the radio. 

I parked the car outside his place, or where he will be staying for the next two nights before he ships off to Toowoomba.  It was there I took my seatbelt off, and leaned over and hugged him, and the waterworks started to fall.  This diary holds so many memories of me and Luke, and what is does hold is only like 1/100th of the wonderful times I had with that wonderful guy.  I bawled my eyes out, and with me being sick with a sniffy nose, it wasn’t a pleasant sight at all.  Luke began to cry too.  I then told him how i wanted to write him a letter, but basically all I needed him to know was that he changed my life for the better and that I will always love him.  He told me he loved me also.  I mean wow seriously, what a guy.  Anyone who meet’s Luke realises he has a heart of pure Gold.  I still can’t believe he gave me a chance, over a year ago now.  only a year but God we’d been through a lot, living together for roughly nine months.  I am going to miss him so much.  I cried on his shoulder for so long, and I apologised for how sorry I am I can’t give him what he wants right now.  "I want to thank you, and say sorry to you" I said.  It was like he was leaving the country, but he’ll only be over an hour’s drive away.  But still, the fact I won’t be able to ring him up just to hang out whenever, will be really depressing.  There will be a sudden void in my life, a void that will be impossible to fill.  He’s the true guy I loved, and I never knew I could feel for someone as much as I did him.  But right now, I’m too fucked up to hurt him anymore.  Luke said he felt heartbroken after tonight.  That hit me hard.  I never wanted him to feel like that.  But look what I’ve done.  I just needed him reassured that I’ll always be there for him.

The fucking radio played "Just want you to know" by the Backstreet Boys on the way there, and it’s amazing how every lyric fits to how you’re feeling when you’re upset.  I was driving on the highway and felt the first tear work its way down my nose and cheek.  God, they just had to didn’t they?

Not only that, on the drive home, the radio decided to play "Goodbye My Lover" by James Blunt.  I literally screamed out, "OH NOW FUCK OFF!!!! NO WAY!! FUCK OFF!!!" with tears bawling down my cheeks, me struggling to breathe through my blocked nose.  My eyes were red from crying – damn having blue eyes, and I was pretty (understandably) upset.  But I mean seriously, ‘Goodbye my lover’ by james blunt?  How the HELL could they play that song!? AGHH!! lol, quite ironic I guess.

When Luke finally let go of my hand and got out of the car, I knew that moment was probably the last I’d see of him, in Brisbane anyway.  It’s so depress

ing.  I want my best friend back in my life.  I don’t want him to go.  He’s too special to me.  I will always love that guy, and it seems none will ever compare.