Lucinda ;)

Last night I broke down crying in bed.  Luke being the great boyfriend he always is asked me what was wrong.  Let me explain

The past 2 days, 2 of my friends from Toowoomba came up and we hung out heaps, went to Big Gay Day in the Valley and talked heaps.  My friends John and Kristy.  They were so much fun to be around, we hung out at Big Gay Day, and that was a lot of fun.  There were at least 5000 people there, Kristy estimated.  I’d have to agree, there were a lot, I think they may have to move the premises because it’s getting to the point where you can’t move.  We ended up walking up to the McWhirters Carpark and watching the event from above, you can see so much more up there and there’s only a selected few people up there who know how to get up there or happened to have parked their car there and saw the concert below as they were walking past, of and also a few underage (-18) guys who can’t get into the event.  Kristy and I danced by ourselves and the people below could easily see us if they just looked up 🙂  We got a few weird looks from the other people watching with us, but it was a lot of fun.  The Cher impersonator was SO good.  She sang 3 Cher songs and probably did later on in the night as well.  We saw the crowd rush forward as a few people did actually mistake her for the Real Cher, who had performed at the Brisbane Entertainment Centre the previous evening.  The beat nightclub was also packed out that night apparently because the rumour was that Cher was going to turn up (I only found this out afterwards) but of course she didn’t, I wouldnt have thought she would, there’s no money in it for her there!  I mean it was like $200-500 a pop for a ticket to her concert!  Some of my lucky friends got to see her!!!  Ah well I’ll just get the DVD if she releases an Australian Edition.  I’ve seen the Miami one a few times.  Anyway it was great to see John and Kristy again.  John needed to get out of Toowoomba and away from Katie and Kristy signs her divorce papers on the 9th April, so she’s looking forward to that!  Luke had to work that day and didn’t want to go to Big Gay Day, said it was too flamboyant for him anyway.  I always miss Luke when I’m at an event he’s not at.  Work is fine, I can handle being away from him there cos its mandatory, but for some reason, and this is my point and reason i was crying last night, is because over the past 3 or 4 days i’ve really fallen for Luke.  I mean big-time.  Previously I guess I really cared for him as a boyfriend but somehow, somewhere along the line, a little voice told me ‘hang on a minute are you are you just want that?’ and I told Luke this last night, he couldnt understand why I was crying and I told him in amongst muffled tears, "Over the past 3 or 4 days, I’ve REALLY fallen for you." and he kinda laughed and said "Why is that a bad thing?" and I replied "It’s not!".  He hugged me the entire time and just listened to me pour out my heart i guess you could say.  I told him that this is a really scary experience for me and i’ve never ever felt so close to someone in my life, like i thought i did but I actually feel something with him, and it’s really scary.  I felt so scared admitting it, because I get paranoid, like if he ever decided I wasn’t for him, I think I’m at the point where that would devastate me – break my heart, you know?  That’s what it’s like.  Like if this Grant guy had sexually harrassed him nowadays instead of a few months ago, I’d be so hurt, but a few months ago it startled me, but didn’t attack my heart like the incident would now, so I guess I should be glad it happened when it did, although it definitely shouldn’t have happened at all!  Apparently Grant has been out clubbing the same time we have, and my friend and Luke knew he was there, but I didn’t know which person he was, and if I did, I tell ya what I’d seriously smash the guy’s face in or at least push him into a wall really hard – wouldnt bother me if I got kicked out, so I tell Luke not to let me know which guy he is.  It’s kinda like how Luke feels about Mick i guess, although Mick never sexually harrassed me. 

I can’t wait for next weekend!  John is coming up again, and Luke, myself and he are all going to the Sunday Night Live church service.  I haven’t been in ages and I’m really looking forward to it!!  I can’t wait to see my little buddy Michael.  He’s 16 now!  He’s so excited about me and Luke and can’t wait to meet him.  I talked to him on the phone last night, the poor guy so wants to come out but he can’t obviously cos of the circumstances around him.  I feel priviledged to be his friend now.  His mum still hates me but I don’t care, I haven’t done anything wrong, and I have a boyfriend so that might make her back off a little more anyway lol.  It’s gunna be interesting at church who I introduce Luke to haha.  Ah well they’ll get over it.  Especially if my ex girlfriend is there, because she was on msn a while ago and Luke and I had a joke-thing happening. I told her i was taken, and she goes ‘who’s the lucky girl?’ hahahaha, i can’t believe she doesnt know yet, yet I’m too scared to tell her incase she feels stupid, but then again I want her to know – she’s like the ONLY person who doesn’t know i swear hahaha.  Anyway the joke was that I typed my partner’s name was "Lucinda" (luke told me to!) and works as a Grillie at Lonestar Steakhouse hahahahahaha.  I so want to introduce Luke to her as "Lucinda" – what do you think? 😀

come on next weekend!!  damn work! grrr i so wanna take holidays!  love you all!

-Matt