long weekend! :)

I am in the most fantastic mood today.  haha I don’t even know why, maybe my depression had to retaliate for once 😛  I spent most of the day yesterday at my best friend Aaron’s house, and he always makes me feel so special when I’m there, and I had a great time, I feel like i’m someone loved, like he’s a straight version of who i’d want in a boyfriend – he talks to me, listens to me, cuddles me heaps, cracks me up laughing and hangs out with me.  i told him he’s gunna make some girl extremely happy one day.  I rang micheal and whenever i ring someone who’s close to my heart or a boyfriend, aaron sits there in the background making sexual noises like ‘oh yeh! matt! do my harder! OOHH!’ or ‘come back to bed matt!’ or sits on top on me saying ‘back off from my man!’ – i could’ve killed him but i couldn’t stop laughing, i was so afraid mick would think i was cheating on him haha, he actually sent me a message saying ‘what’s up with this aaron guy?’ and i’m like ‘don’t worry he’s my best friend and he’s str8’ and he goes ‘doesn’t sound like it!’ haha.  I don’t know why Mick thinks i’d ever do anything with anyone else, i’d be the last person to ever stuff it up by doing something as pathetic and low as that, when i’m with someone as beautiful as he is.

My parents have been trying to get a hold of me all weekend.  I’ve spoken to them twice, but I havent seen them yet.  I felt bad before because they tried to ring twice and i didn’t answer, so they assumed i didn’t want to talk to them.  I dunno, it’s not that I don’t wanna talk to them, I just want things to be normal.  I want to be able to talk to my parents about my relationships, but they won’t hear a word of it, and it’s depressing and awkward somehow, like im the black sheep of the family, but I don’t cry over it anymore, i used to, and my ex hated my parents for it, but I love my parents and got up him for it, and whenever I got up him for it, he’d get up me saying ‘you deserve some damn respect for once, i can’t help it if your parents are fucked’ and stuff like that.  I usually changed subjects whenever it came up because it was a combination of him making me cry and them making me cry.  Then i feel bad for being upset about it because it’s obvious i’m not the only guy in the word in this situation – there’d be hundred’s of thousands, even millions, and i guess i’m one of the ones that was lucky.  Some people I know have been kicked out of home because of their sexuality, and it’s really depressing hearing that, and then there’s millions who are living in silence, afraid of the judgement that could confront them if they came out.  Socail-acceptability is so much better these days, especially in city areas, but for those out in country areas, they are on their own.  Trust me i’d know.

Well I’ve still got to get another car.  i turned dowen my loan offer, there’s no wy i can afford $4000 interest when i’m pretty sure i owe the tax department at least $3000.  Now i’m certainly not rich or anything, nowhere near it, i live on noodles, soup and water lol but i think they overpaid me last year so i cant take any chances.  i dunno what sort of a car i can get for a few thousand, but if i had money i’d know what i’d want lol, either a Holden Vectra, Holden Astra or Honda Jazz, haha like im anywhere near affording those 3! 😛 i’d only want a 2nd-hand car, stuff the new one, id be broke for years lol.

I’ve been singing my lungs out to Celine Dion all morning, and now i’ve moved onto Faith Hill, id having a great time this moring and i’m still stuck inside lol, well i’ll go out, it’s another absolutely beautiful day today!  Like PERFECT weather!  I might go practice my rollerblading and fall down a few times haha, i can’t believe im at home on a monday public holiday, yet im still being paid NOT to be at work 😛 haha i wish LIFE was like that 😛 haha nah i don’t, then we’d all be lazy shits and probably fat, but i’m trying not to get the image so i’m not gunna go on lol.  Not that i have a thing against large people, a lot of my friends are overweight and are absolutely wonderful people, they have a low self-esteem because of it though.  Why do people judge so adruptly?  Get to know the inside!

Anyway i’m off to dance some more around my room and go rollerblading, see how i go 🙂 i love you all!

-Matt