paranoia fun?

When you start going out with someone for a while and everything seems
perfect, you start to wonder what’s really going on.  In Micheal’s life,
everything seems perefect – he has many friends whom he can call upon
for support or for company, he gets along fantastically with everyone
he meets, he has two good jobs and is in high positions in both and
therefore holds a lot of respect among those around him.  He knows
how to stand up for himself and can rip shreds off anyone who pisses
him off.  He can offer effective communication to any of his friends
and is a great listener.  He gets excited about life each day and always
has a busy schedule.  The only thing really missing in his life
was a boyfriend – and that is me.  We love each other, I now realise that
more than I did at the beginning of the week.  I didn’t know what love was,
but missing someone as much as I do when they aren’t around me must be
something special.  I see him as a very genuine person, I see him as
trustworthy and loyal – but despite all the positive attributes to him
that I’ve fallen in love with, I can’t help but wonder “why me?”.

I’m not exactly the most outspoken person compared to his extensive
comminication levels, my job is nowhere near as ‘impressive’ as his is
and he talks about so many topics I’ve never heard of before,
but they are a big part of his life, and I try to understand where he’s coming
from.  If he has so many big things in his life, and I have so little to offer
but my affection for him, what does he see in me?  Why does he say he loves me?
I asked him, but he said “I’d be going on about it all night” – which was really
sweet, but didn’t really tell me anything.  He asked me why I couldn’t say
‘i love you’ back to him, and it was true, I just couldn’t believe it was all
happening so fast.  After 4 days, he’s beautiful to me, after 1 day I was beautiful
to him – I really hope it’s nothing suss.  It’s just that it seemed a boyfriend was
the only thing missing in his life, and he liked me and fell in love with me.  Is that
possible to happen as fast as it has?

He’s in Bundaburg at the moment, he had to take a heap of people there
because someone stuffed up and left them in Brisbane when they were suppose to be
there, and because of that there was no room in the car for me, so i’m here typing
this, missing him like crazy and wanting him to get back so I can hold his hand
again.

I had to vote today, geesh that was an experience.  Micheal dropped me home today
before he had to leave for Bundy, and I went to 3 different schools before I
found out where the hell I was enrolled haha.  I had to go all the way out to Bundamba
and finally they found my name.  At least I’ve dodged the damn fine.
If things hadn’t have been stuffed up this week, Micheal and I would be
in Mooloolaba walking along the beach.  He did tell me he felt bad, but I told him
that it’s something that couldn’t have been helped, and he was being sweet and doing
the right thing (well I should’ve told him that last bit.)

The car accident I had yesterday has me a little worried, I’ll admit – I did run into
the back of a pretty nice car, and they guy who was driving had a pretty strong accent
so the car may have been European.  Sarja at work didn’t help much by telling me when her husband ran into a car, they had to fork out $10,000!  I’ve never had that much money in my entire life!  I’ve just been praying about it and hoping for the best.

I sent my dad a message explaining what happened, and mum finally got a hold of me at work and was talking about it – I wasn’t really worrying, and I still arent as much
as most people would, or should I say ‘as much as a normally would’ – all because I
have Micheal in my thoughts constantly.  I got some courage and said to my mum, “Do you want to know what else has been happening in my life?” – and she knew what i was getting at and said
“No i don’t want to know Matt,” so I said ‘well his name is Micheal and…’, i was cut off by mum saying ‘I DON’T wanna hear about it”, but I continued a little before chickening out, I told mum that we were going out.  She wasn’t happy but tried to subtly change the subject as soon as possible.  I mean, why question is, how can I have an open
relationship with my parents if they don’t want to talk about what matters most in my life? What do they want me to do, get with a chick, lie that I love her and marry her unhappily to keep them damn happy?  That’s what it seems like.  I really don’t care
what they say or think negativly about me, I’m just glad we’re still able to talk logically
about things like car accidents.

So basically i miss my boyfriend at the moment.  I’m suppose to be going out to movies with my girlfriends tonight, but i’m sitting here typing, so i’d better get ready! haha, I hope my boi misses me as much as i do him 🙂

later on that night: Mel and Jo were so much fun, it was awesome to see them after so long apart.  We went and saw ’50 first dates’ on the 25 metre screen – it was actually a decent movie! 🙂  Laughed a fair bit and the cinema was packed out.  Mel brought her date and Jo brought her boyfriend – they were pretty nice guys, a fair bit older than I’d thought they would be, but they were nice.  Mel and Jo wanted to meet Micheal..and I so wished he was there…but maybe next time.  Oh and I finally saw what the ‘my restaurant rules’ restaurant looks like and saw Simon inside.  I don’t like him on the tv, I wonder what he’s really like in person.  Had a big night, I jsut need to find something big to cuddle up to for improvisation for the night…