The One with Two Sides of the Train Wreck

 I haven’t written in a while so I thought I would take some time this afternoon to get something out there. That and I am procrastinating the end of the work day.

 

Things have been going very good. I have felt a sort of motivation that I haven’t had in a while and I am getting some of those lesser tasks done. I am slacking on crafting, but I guess it is okay because my heart just isn’t in it right now.

 

Last time I wrote, I was sketchy about a proposal I made because I didn’t really want to jinx it. I am happy to report that my proposal was accepted. I basically wanted approval to use my down time* at work to study for my certifications plus be able to use company time to travel and take my exams. I offered to pay for all of my testing and study materials. The company did agree to pay for my study guides, which is a small savings.

 

*Down time. I might not be having much. The company recently submitted a request for proposal (RFP) and it was awarded to us. It looks as though I will be taking on the billing portion and it has the potential of being quite a large component. I have my fingers crossed that I get to do it. I am a little worried that things are not going to go as originally planned and I won’t get to be a part of it. I have allowed myself to day dream about it, which is always a dangerous thing. Things are moving fast though, so within the next few weeks/month I should know more. I am so anxious and feel like I am in limbo.

 

I am finally all caught up on office work. When I say office, I mean home office work. I did a chunk last week and then finished up this week. It feels great. I am really trying to be more diligent in every aspect of my life.

 

I do have another project of sorts coming up. A very large, very slow, very length project and very hard! I know I can do it. I just have to put my mind to it.

 

I finally think I have a blog schedule figured out. Now to just stick to it and not just let it slide like usual. The next step is to work on my blog design. I just haven’t figured out what I want. The more I think about it, the more simple I want it to be. I have a few ideas, I just need to sit down and flesh them out a bit.

 

I got a friend request from my cousin’s mom and I jumped on that. Said cousin is always making vague comments and I know a lot of them are because of things her mother has said/posted. It is nice to finally be on both sides of the train wreck. They are both pretty sad specimens of adults. I can’t believe that a 60+ and a 40+ act this way. Actually I can believe, I just think it is disgusting.

 

My teen mom cousin has not thanked us for the gift we went. Her mother posts on facebook every so often. I know she plays games on there for most of the day. I am so close to posting about not receiving a thank you. Not directly, more of a sub-tweet type post. A sub-tweet for non-tweeps is posting a blanket comment/response without directly calling out the original poster/offender. It is passive aggressive heaven basically. I just have no use for them. Maybe tonight, depending on my mood.

 

The weather has been nuts! May is usually cool and rainy. Memorial day is often snowy. Temps reached the mid 80s yesterday. I about died. I hate summer. Hate it with a passion and so having it start this early is so disheartening. And not only that, but it also means that fire season starts early. It started early last year, in late June/early July. It started yesterday this year. Three fires all within 60 miles of where I live all popped up around the same time late afternoon. One fire was out by the ten o’clock news, but two were still burning strong and high winds were only hurting things. Today the skies are clear and blue, but the smoke tends to settle in at night early in the season, choking you while you sleep.

 

It always angers me when national news focuses on places like California, Colorado, Texas, etc. when reporting about forest and wild fires. Montana is devastated by them every year and there is no coverage. No federal agencies come in to help, if anything we send our firefighters to other states. I worry about the total devastation that I feel is looming. It scares me.

 

My nephew turned 11 last Wednesday. My sister turns 44 on Thursday and my other nephew turns 9 on the 26th. I cannot comprehend any of it.

 

I have felt so outcast lately. Like third man in, kind of left in the background. I was very used to this feeling when I was younger, always trailing, always the last to know, always left out. Once I stopped allowing that to happen (mostly by not participating), I didn’t really think it would happen again. Especially not as an adult. But it is exactly what is happening and, like before, it is not a good feeling. Constantly feeling like people are keeping secrets from you, talking about you. Maybe it is my paranoia, or maybe it is really happening. I need to find a way to rise above it and shake it off. If anyone knows how to do that, could you maybe clue me in?

 

Well the day is winding down and I want to get my desk cleaned off and get tomorrow’s projects organized. I hope you are all having a lovely day.

 

If you are interested in my blog…you can go here. Just know that it is always changing!