1/28 p2

14 years ago I met this woman. She took a job in a store where I was co-manager. We hit off.  I soon found that she was a single mother. She told me the story of her ex. It was a sad story. I felt for her. I liked her well enough and felt I could make a stand with her. We dated though the fall and we’re married in the winter. Trouble started there. Her started fights over her son. Tried to make things difficult for me. Tried to drive me away. I became her defender. Did my best to be her provider. Before we got married we talked about kids. She wanted a lot. She had a number. Said she felt impressed that it was what she was she was supposed to do. I didn’t question. The number seemed like a lot and it was, is, but I felt it could be done. So we started having kids. She stopped working. It all fell to me. Little things started creeping. She dwelt a lot on her ex. We went to court a lot. I began to realize that she didn’t like my family. My family is rough around the edges but they aren’t bad people. She wanted nothing to do with them. Always made me choose between her and them. I chose her because I felt it was what I supposed to do. More kids came. So did fights. Fights over money. Life. Nothing. I started getting kicked off the bedroom here and there. I find a way to make things better and she’d let me back in. She started home schooling. I felt like it could work. She did have a degree and was trained as a teacher. But I would come home and there would issues and schooling would be delayed or didn’t happen. The house was always dirty. I made excuses. Tried to make up the slack. Tried to make it work with us. Didn’t question she would want to have sex. Didn’t make the connection that she would only be interested when she wanted another baby. Fights continued. I ended up setting up a separate bedroom. Hard times came. We had to move. She got the idea that we should move to the place where I grew up. We moved it wasn’t easy. That was two and a half years ago. We came and she hated it. The fights got worse. She blamed me for a lot. The kids didn’t go to out. They we’re getting sick more and more. Friends of my family started going to my parents. They didn’t like what they were seeing in her. People started coming to me. Voicing things that I’d been concerned with for years. Things I’d been quietly trying to fix for years. But I couldn’t fix anything. It wasn’t mine to fix. Things came to a head last summer. I was sleeping the living room. Hadn’t shared a room in years. Hadn’t felt like I was married in years. I started talking to a lawyer.  I needed to do something for my kids to change their world and somehow make it better. And I needed to do something for myself. Meanwhile the final fight came. She ran me out and I filed. She dreamed up things that didn’t happen and exaggerate things that did. She got a protection order. I haven’t seen them in almost six months. Waiting to decide who’s right and whose wrong. I’m trying to rebuild. I just want to move on. I want the relationship that I felt ive been denied by her.