Back in the Hospital

 Laura is back in the hospital.  She had not been staying at the house these past few weeks.  She had been staying out her mom’s house where she feels more comfortable binging and purging plus she is able to easily get a hold of money to go out to buy more binge food.  When she was at the house, I could hear her plea with her mom that she needs money for gas for her car to go to over-eater anonymous meetings and what have you.  She would buy gas but then with the rest of the money purchase more binge food.  I am sure that was going on at her mom’s house.

Laura was starting to feel the physical effects of her constant binging and purging.  She wanted to go to the doctor to get prescribed potassium pills, I am assuming as that tends to be her MO.  Her mom suggested if she is seeking medical intervention why not just go ahead and admit herself back in the hospital.  Laura dropped by the house to pick up a few things to take with her to the hospital.  I was asleep when she came in the house.  I knew it was her.  A part of me was aggravated that she came back to the house.  She talked about coming back to the house but after a couple of days of staying at her mom’s instead, I was hoping she had changed her mind.  I felt if she was not back by July 1 that she would not be coming back at all.  I was counting down the days.

Anyway, after Laura entered the house and proceeded to her room, I woke up to take the dogs outside.  While on the porch, I saw Laura’s mom exit her car.  As my car was blocking the view of her mom’s car, I was surprised to see her.  I say hello and she goes to tell me that Laura has not been doing so well and that she is going back to the hospital.  I was a bit relieved.  I want Laura out of the house but I do not want to kick her out.  I want it to be her decision.  I want to be thought of as the friend that tried to help her and not the friend who kicked her out of a house.

Laura is an institutionalized person now.  She feels out of place when she is out.  She feels at home or at least in her element when she is an inpatient.  I am hoping when Laura gets discharged she moves back in with her mom.  She has an unhealthy relationship with her mom but Laura does not do anything to change it other than move out.  She would still talk to her mom on the phone everyday or just about everyday which sort of defeats the purpose of moving out in the first place.

I used to have the biggest obsession and crush over Laura.  But, Laura has let bulimia completely envelop her.  It is no longer just a negative aspect of her life.  It is her whole life.  Wendy and I had talked about this a few months ago that Laura seems to be approaching a point of no return.  I believe Laura has crossed that point.  When I see Laura, I do not see the woman that I had so strongly desired.