Lumpy

Who needs relationships? I mean, why can’t we just have meaningless, random sex , like cats and dogs, and have that be the end of it? People say “Oh, we’re more evolved, and more intelligent than animals like that. We experience advanced emotions because we’re better..blah blah..” Thats a lot of crap! I think they have it better. Love sucks because that person either makes you happy or unhappy, and thats it. Things aren’t just “OK”. I mean, my boyfriend Lumpy drives me crazy sometimes! I don’t talk about him a lot, because I see him like every 3 weeks and I distract myself with other things. (And evilly, sometimes, other people). I don’t think I’m made for a long distance relationship. I’m young, I don’t think it’s right for me to have my life wrapped up in one person so early. I’m missing out on a lot of fun (for the most part) and I can’t be carefree when I have Lumpy on my mind. These are supposed to be the years when I can be a moron, be acceptably immature, and not give a crap, and have it be ok. I dont want to settle down yet! I mean, I do love him. I honestly do. But sometimes I just get tired of him! There are some things about him that drive me crazy. FIrst off, he’s 16 and obsessed with wrestling, nintendo, lego’s, farts, noogies, poo, and all that stuff. Also he’s very clingy. He’s like obsessed with me. He’s always like, “I miss you I miss you I miss you I want a kiss” and sometimes I just want to say “SHUT UP!!” But on the other hand, I have a lot of stress and he always offers me protection and sanity when I need someone to run to, and he treats me kind and gentle, and has never treated me bad. He’s really a good guy. But then again, I just want to try something new (like in the 1st entry, with ryan) and it drives me crazy! I’m conflicted!

I think he gets his clinginess from his mom. She was in an abusive relationship, which sadly he was a part of, and it took her several years to leave that man.. lumpy’s “dad”.. She would always go back to him again and again, and I think Lumpy’s like that. Like with that Ryan thing, some people would have broken up but he was ok almost immediately after.. and personally if he did that, I would be *ticked* for more than 2 minutes. I think he’s scared for us to fight, because he’s scared to lose me. I did break up with him back in September, and he was practically crazy. I mean, he used to call me A LOT and say he was gona come to my new boyfriends house and beat him up.. I mean he probably would have stalked me if he could walk here. I think of breaking up with him sometimes but I wonder how he would react, and I get paranoid and think “What would I be missing for the future if I were to break up with him now?”. And like my friend Autumn said, sometimes I think I do just have him around as someone to fall back on. I’m really tempermental about this subject, and probably will change my mind in like half an hour. But I think about this subject a lot. Especially since Im supposed to go to his house this weekend and I’m kinda dreading it because he annoys me extremely when I first get there. I dont know.. this is giving me a headache. What to do, what to do!!*bleh* =/