So my balls have grown 37%…

Day 1
As mentioned earlier… two days after dropping $600 at 24 hour fitness (sidepoint… $600 dollars gets me 3 years at any 24 hour fitness nationwide and after that it’s $30 a year for the rest of my life) my passenger side brake pad busted loose while I was driving causing my shitty little car to become a giant shitty paper weight.

Those who know me, know that I’ve never even changed my own oil.  I call around and I’m looking at $250-$300, that’s a no-go.  After the urging of G, my partner, I decided to undertake fixing the brakes on my own.  So off to the parts store I go, a short time later I’m the proud owner of caliper spreaders and rotors and pads and brake cleaner and brake fluid and a 30mm rachet attachment and all the information the 16 year old front counter person knew about brakes.  According to him, I’ll need to remove the giant nut that holds my wheel on.

So I jack up the car and proceed to take off the pads and the rotor and then try to get off the giant nut that is holding on the wheel hub.  I, of course, can’t get the nut off.  So I go back to the auto parts store and buy a pipe to use as a breaker bar.  Using the breaker bar, I snap two ratchets in half without budging this nut.  So I call a buddy and drive out to Milwaukie (on the other side of town) to borrow his air compressor and ratchet.  I get the bolt off, mind you this is now 10 at night in the middle of December.  Not only am I freezing my growing nuts off, but G’s neighbors are getting upset.

I get the nut off the bolt and sit and look at it.  I’m lost and the auto parts store is now closed.  So we go hop on the internet only to realize I DON’T NEED TO REMOVE THAT FUCKING NUT.  After cursing and swearing and placing a hex on this auto parts kid and his unborn first child I go back outside to put the giant nut back on and put on the new rotor and pads, by midnight I have spent my first day and I have only HALF THE FUCKING JOB DONE. 

Day 2
I start the day happy that I now know what I’m doing and this second wheel should be simple since I DON’T NEED TO REMOVE THE GIANT FUCKING NUT HOLDING ON THE WHEEL HUB.  I start off by busting one of my lugnut studs right off, great another day of this shit.  I persevere and proceed to do everything else, after I’m finished I start to bleed the brakes and I twist off the FUCKING BLEEDER SCREW.  So now I need to replace the caliper.  I leave the car up on the jack in disgust and walk to the max and head home.

Day 3
I start by going to the auto parts yard and getting a new caliper.  Bring it home and install the new caliper, take the car to Les Schwab to have them replace the lug nut stud I busted off and my car is off and running.

3 days, 85 dollars but I did it all (well almost all) by myself and because of this my nuts grew 37% in man size.  I ladies can work on a car, am devilishly handsome and now have 37% bigger balls… come an get em…