olive branches

Location: computer lab at school
Mood: upbeat
Listening to: the hum of a dozen CPUs.

Thanks, everyone, for your input yesterday.  I appreciate it a lot. 

I’ve decided, though, that my trust issues are something I’m going to have to work through in another way.  Honestly, Aaron hasn’t given me any reason to mistrust him. (The text messages were explained to my satisfaction; they were sent to his friend Matt, and once he told me that I knew exactly what he was talking about because the two of them have that kind of goofy friendship.  I just wasn’t aware that Matt was back in town.)  Like one noter said, I have to just learn how to jump in and trust him.  It’s going to hurt like hell if I’m proved wrong later, but I can’t move forward if I’m always second guessing and looking for something to go wrong. 

I had this pounded into my head yesterday after he and I had a nice little blow up because I did something stupid that I shouldn’t have done, and it made me realize my constant need to know every little thing is just as damaging to our relationship as if he would have been cheating.  I just didn’t realize I had gotten so bad about it.  Needless to say, we had a rough evening yesterday because after we fought we were both just kind of walking on eggshells.  After we got the kids in bed, I took my shower, grabbed a hard lemonade and escaped to the front porch for an hour.  It helped clear my head (and then get it fuzzy again, as I was pretty tipsy after half the bottle – I’m such a lightweight now!), and I was able to go to bed without a lot of worry on my mind. 

After my first class I walked back to my car to pump (another bonus about the minivan – I can stretch out in the back w/my laptop and have plenty of room, plus no worries about pumping where someone can intrude) and before I walked back to campus I sent him a text message apologizing for the whole debacle yesterday.  It was a peace offering in a way, because that fight set us back quite a bit, and I really am sorry for it.  I felt horrible all day yesterday. 

So, hopefully we can smooth this over and get back on track.  Hopefully.

 

Randomly, I’ve just noticed that all the computers here on campus have Photoshop CS3 loaded on them.  This makes me jealous, and I’m thinking I need to investigate (aka – ask the computer department, lol) if there is someway I can get a licensed copy.  I know we can buy MS Office as a deep discount through the college, so maybe I can do the same with CS3.