Jessica Heeringa

I’ve been accused of being unhappy lately but it’s not the case, I’m just in between purposes at the moment. I had some fairly basic goals, but all of a sudden they’re kind of…irrelevant. Most things are, and I honestly don’t mind so much…but I am curious– what the hell happened to everyone, and why didn’t it happen to me too? I’m feeling left out over here. I used to have significant relationships. There was something special I treasured with people, which was unique to them. Now..? Nothing. I don’t even know these people anymore. I don’t really know anyone anymore. So why the persistent memory of when I did? Why the psychosis; like ten years ago were but yesterday, and today is just a bad dream? And why does it somehow all feel so right, despite it? So….predetermined? How can something feel both with purpose and without it?

A pretty girl went missing down state some weeks ago, and I find myself checking in daily to see if she’s been found yet. I wish I were omnipotent, I’d find her then; I wish I could peek in on whoever I wanted, just to see what happened to them; where they are, how they’re doing, what occupies their time and thoughts. So many people just be gone, gone, gone…..