Let me fly away

Dreamt I found a time machine…though it wasn’t a machine at all, but rather a small chamber under a rock, somewhere in some random grass next to a rotting summer house, near the lake. It was just an organic shaped hole in the ground, without any deliberate angles. I put a box in there and watched it vibrate and disappear…off to another time and place. I put some more things in there with the same result….I wished I could fit myself in there, but it was too small…I thought there must be some way to do it, but I awoke before I was able to come up anything. A very disappointing moment in my bed, to say the least…

The terribleness of last year seems to have hardened me into something alien. Somewhere I seem to have lost the gripping fear for which my degree of hope was so able to thrive…a man at last, perhaps? The romantic notion of kindred spirits and other such nonsense has disappated. Importance is a virtue of the young, I think. Lonely I am, but for the first time without any expectation…I used to say oh, perhaps I’ll find someone like me, somewhere, gazing at the moon from a water tower and singing along to the same song…but then I found such people, and realized that I hated them.

Gravity is queer. We take up and down for granted, when we’re all just stuck to this giant mass like pins on a magnet. Jump up and down a little…you can feel it tugging on you. I think I’ll make it my new life’s ambition to construct a rocket to catapult me off of this charming place…what a view to go out on!

What an unspeakable disappointment you’ve become…