11/21/2013

Soooooooo yeah. Overtime.  It’s killing me. This is what my days have looked like for the past 2 weeks:

4:30 a.m.- Wake up

5 a.m. – Leave for work

6 a.m. – Arrive at work

Workkkkkkk

6 p.m. – Leave work

7 p.m. – Arrive home, eat, shower and in bed by 8:30 or 9 to wake up and do it all over again!!!!

That’s M-F…then Saturday I work from 6 a.m. – noon…bleh.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I’m telling you this does not feel worth it but I guess it is.  I am VERY slowly paying down some of my credit cards =/

I was also able to get my student loan situation figured out.  I called and asked about the income based payments so I had to fill out some forms and stuff and now just waiting to hear on that.  But the lady I spoke with told me my payments will probably be about $111 a month…which is MUCH better than $500! Still have the $150-$200 a month on the other loans but I can’t be bothered to deal with trying to change those now…besides I don’t even know if I can because they are different types of loans and blahhhh blahhh…oh the joys of being the oldest child.  My parents had no clue when helping me sign up for all that in the first place.

Hmm what else.  I’ve still been working on self improvement obviously and I feel I have come a long way in the past year really.  I am much more calm and able to talk myself out of getting angry/upset about things.  When I start feeling down or dwelling on things I don’t like about myself or past situations in which I’m not proud of how I acted I just tell myself that it’s in the past and all I can do is focus on the future and changing those things I don’t like about myself.  Instead of dwelling on those bad thoughts I think about things that I am thankful for.  It helps, especially when I’m doing my hour commute home from work.  It’s a good time to reflect on what I am thankful for.

There is a guy on facebook called "The Festival Guy" and he goes to tons of different music festivals.  Brad has met him a few times.  The Festival Guy has been writing one thing each day about what he is thankful for regarding music festivals.  The other day he posted a picture of ME AND BRAD from on of the festivals we went to over the summer and wrote that he is thankful that festivals allow people to have alter egos and used Brad (Tigger) as an example!  It was really cool.  Brad actually texted me later that day asking me about the tornadoes that were in this area last weekend and I told him to go look at The Festival Guy’s page because I knew he hadn’t seen it yet.  The first thing he said was oh fuck I hope my gf isn’t mad………….LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL! I’m probably a bad person for getting pleasure out of that but oh well.  =P

Tonight I am going to Grace’s to watch American Horror Story after work.  So I’ll probably only end up getting like 5-6 hours of sleep but oh well.  Saturday I think I am going to take a trip to see my fave local DJ play in a town about 1.5 hours away.  The last time I went there to see her play I met this guy who is sooooooooo not my type at all in the sense that he’s a total thug.  Like wears his pants super low, talks like a "thug", etc.  But he’s super nice to me and I like being around him.  I went and hung out with him again like the weekend after I met him.  We texted the past 2 Saturday’s but I didn’t feel like driving out there the first one and then last Saturday I was at some dumb girl’s night that I got trapped at because I rode with Grace so it was too late (and I was too drunk) to go out there after lol!!! Soooooo yeah I’m in the mood to see him (and get some, what can I say…I have needs, lol). I don’t really know if he’s the type to hook up with tons of chicks but it doesn’t really seem like it because he has been wanting me to come out every single Saturday!  It’s kinda nice to have someone to just cuddle with and have sex with and not worry about anything else.

Which brings me to the point that I have finally realized something.  I AM NOT READY FOR A RELATIONSHIP.  As much as I think I want one, I have to learn how to love myself first.  I need to get my confidence up so I can be the person I know I can be.  I wouldn’t want to date me now, so why would anyone else?  I need to get my own life back on track before focusing on some dude.  Hopefully I can stick to this, but honestly…I’ve never really felt this at peace with that thought before now.  

And now it’s back to work…

Happy Thursday!

<3!