07/26/2013, EDIT

I fall too fast, care too much, love too hard, expect things I shouldn’t, and get upset too easily.

Blah.

Sometimes I wish I wasn’t such a GIRL!!!!!!!

My back is still not any better.  On top of that, yesterday after work I had to go have my crown put on the tooth I had a root canal done on.  I was there for THREE FUCKING HOURS.  I was seriously in tears by the end. My mouth still hurts today.  I’m hungry, but it’s hard to eat. =(  I also had to call my Dr. back to let him know my back wasn’t better and ask for more meds, because my prescriptions will run out by tomorrow.  He wasn’t in and the nurse said he will probably send me for X-Rays…I was like wtf am I supposed to do in the meantime?  So she’s supposed to call him and call me back sometime…soon I hope.  She wanted me to go to the ER and I was like OH HELL NO!  I have a $250 copay for that…not gonna happen!

Anyway.  Wednesday Mike and I finally got to talk on the phone again.  We kept losing connection and having to call each other back but we talked for maybe 30-45 minutes.  Then his mom came home so he got off to go eat with her and said he would call back.  Of course he didn’t.  Sad that I already expect this to happen.  He did text though around 11ish and said he was really tired and going to bed and we would talk the next day.  So Thursday comes around and surprise! He gets called into work.  He text me and let me know around like 5 that that was happening and said he would text me when he got home at 11 (1 my time).  I tried so hard to wait up and talk to him.  I was having such a bad day and I just wanted to be able to talk to him…fucking stupid, I don’t know why I get like that.  I mean I barely know the dude and what’s he going to do from 2,000 miles away? =( I ended up falling asleep on the couch and woke up right at 1.  I figured he would text soon so went and laid down in bed to wait and fell asleep again.  I woke up around 2:30 and saw he had text at 1:30 saying he got home late and he has to work both jobs from 9am-10pm today and he would text me in between.  I sent him a text saying I tried waiting up and I hate our time difference!  He read it but never replied.  I sent him a sad face text this morning and nothing.  I shouldn’t be upset about this…I mean we aren’t together, I don’t own him.  He never said he would text me in the morning, he said in between jobs.  But somehow in my stupid little mind this just isn’t good enough.  I guess I’ve just never got over the way things used to be with Tyler.  We texted each other 24/7 since we could never see each other.  I need to accept that not everyone is like that, but it’s hard.  I want him to want to talk to me…but sometimes it just doesn’t feel like he does.  But then why would he continue calling and texting?  I JUST DON’T GET IT!  I’m probably way over analyzing everything and just feeling whiny and sad but mehhhhhhhhhh. Why am I like this?! If I’m not careful i’m going to end up scaring him away, like I do everyone else.  I wish he would just come visit me.  He said he made $200 last night.  I sent him an e-mail the other day with airfare sales for $260…I know it’s not just money stopping him, it’s actual TIME OFF but still.  We haven’t even discussed it again and I don’t want to bring it up.  He works 2 jobs and has to go to Vegas for a bachelor party in a few weeks, so it’s just hard to take off and I understand that but I JUST WANT TO SEE HIM AGAIN so I know if this is fucking real or not!

I seriously need a chill pill.

Sorry for all my crazy ranting…I wish I wasn’t so insecure =(

<3

EDIT: Go figure…as soon as I post this entry I get a 5 page long text from him about a new badass job he was offered and how excited he is.