08/07/2011
I’m out of sorts again tonight.
We got some new bar stools from trademe today, they are awesome and infinitely better than the ones we did have. But when I went to sit on them….I really felt how large I am. I’m not just fat anymore, I’m obese. I mean, I can sit on them, I’m not so far gone that my butt doesn’t fit…but I could feel that I was sitting higher than I should because of my extra padding. Wow it made me feel like crap. I really wanted these stools because I remember the ones we had in Utah, and I used to always sit on them, to eat, to read, to hang out with my mom while she made dinner. These are a similar height and I was totally uncomfortable, and it was only because I’m so fat. It was a humiliating thought that brought tears to my eyes.
The problem is that I’m pregnant. That’s not why I’m fat, that’s my own darn fault. My problem is that I can’t do a dang thing about it. I can eat well and not gain weight for the next six months…..but I’m not allowed to let this realisation fuel a change in myself, to go on a diet, to exercise like crazy etc.
It’s really frustrating.
On a happier note, I am getting my ultrasound tomorrow!! Hopefully this time tomorrow, I’ll be typing out what I’m having 🙂
Steph
I’m sorry you were feeling frustrated. But I’m happy to read about your ultrasound 😀 That’s exciting!
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I’m sorry you were feeling frustrated. But I’m happy to read about your ultrasound 😀 That’s exciting!
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Yay, I’m excitedly looking forward to knowing which baby you’ll be having! I think it’s hard to feel that way about yourself especially when the hormones are going! Just keep pushing through until after the baby comes. It sounds like you are blessed not to gain weight during your pregnancy, so at least you don’t have to worry about being more overweight. For some reason my weight has stopped, too,and I’m grateful! I stepped on the scale the other day and was glad to know it wasn’t as bad as I thought. It’s bad in itself, but I was fearing worse!
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Yay, I’m excitedly looking forward to knowing which baby you’ll be having! I think it’s hard to feel that way about yourself especially when the hormones are going! Just keep pushing through until after the baby comes. It sounds like you are blessed not to gain weight during your pregnancy, so at least you don’t have to worry about being more overweight. For some reason my weight has stopped, too,and I’m grateful! I stepped on the scale the other day and was glad to know it wasn’t as bad as I thought. It’s bad in itself, but I was fearing worse!
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I’m struggling with that too. I feel really uncomfortable with my popped out belly (yes, I’m not showing, but it’s changed) and my butt lacks tone and definition that i haven’t seen in over 12 years. That makes it look low and that in turn makes my legs look short and my waist long (at least from the back-which is not the case). I’m pretty fatigued, so it’s hard to do a lot!!
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