first entry

I’m looking at the screen, I’m looking at the sky, I’m looking at a picture, and I’m looking at what seems to be a perfect world. My problem is I can see it all but I can’t see a thing or understand it. Perhaps because I don’t want to, I have heard many explanations but nothing seems reasonable to me. Are we just put here to reproduce, over populate, and eventually and hopefully die out?  All of the fruits have rotted and the joy is only in death. Seeking answers for what is a never ending quest to nothingness, which is truly the way I feel and have come to feel over the course of my life no matter how short it has been. I consider myself unintelligent and even more stubborn but that’s the way I am. I won’t understand if I don’t want to understand, of course there are times when things just slip away and that’s why I’m not so sure about my intelligence. It all makes me mad but I will be happy if I have to, after all nothing does apply to everything.